


The Moment of Decision

by 20SomethingSuperHeroes



Series: Bucky in Arizona [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Disappointment, Domestic Avengers, Gen, Hiding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-29 20:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5141108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/20SomethingSuperHeroes/pseuds/20SomethingSuperHeroes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just when Bucky has his new life figured out, the time comes for him to decide how ready he is to face his past. Hillary Tanner and Steve Rogers both learn the hard way that sometimes the people we love don't act the way we want them to. </p><p>Setting: One month prior to the events of "The Avengers: Age of Ultron"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Moment of Decision

It had been two and a half weeks since what Bucky referred to as “all that unpleasantness” had happened. Hillary was home for two days, and while she was there Bucky came and stayed with her family again. Her mother sent her out for groceries, and he accompanied her, keeping the bill of his baseball cap low over his face and hair.

“I guess it’s nice to get out of the garage,” said Bucky as they stepped through the automatic doors. Hillary was pushing a grocery cart.

“Yeah. And I appreciate being able to go out and do something normal,” said Hillary. She turned towards the aisle with the baking supplies and condiments. “It’s a very hand-to-mouth existence, out in the field,” she said. “It’s either whatever we can cook in a microwave or buy at a fast food place. Occasionally we do eat nice things, like at hotels, restaurants.” Bucky raised an eyebrow at her. “Okay, yeah, maybe that’s using the term ‘hand-to-mouth’ a little broadly. I’m sorry if that was insensitive.”

“That’s okay,” said Bucky. Hillary got several bags of shell pasta, macaroni, and spaghetti. They walked out of the aisle to the canned goods. Hillary stocked up on pasta sauce. And as they went along they talked and exchanged jokes.

“I sure do like going with you to the store better than with your mom,” said Bucky.

“Oh, why’s that?” asked Hillary.

“Well, I don’t mind getting the heavy stuff for her, really. It’s just she’s always bothering me. Talking to me. Telling me, hey, this looks good to eat, I could get you some, or, you could use this for such-and-such. And she’s always asking me, ‘Do you need anything? Do you need anything?’”

“Well, she’s a mom, that’s what she does,” said Hillary. “That’s her way of helping you out. But, I should probably ask, though, do you need anything?”

“Erm, well, I was kind of wanting some more of those frozen breakfast sandwiches.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll get you some.”

They made their way over to the frozen food section. Hillary walked between the giant fridges and wandered to one side to look at juices. She noticed that Bucky had lagged behind.

“You all right?” she asked him.

“Yeah, I’m...fine,” he said. “I still have trouble...with the cold, you know.” 

“Uh-huh,” said Hillary. “Well, you can wait here. I’ll get your breakfast sandwiches. Do you like the Jimmy Dean brand?”

“Yeah, with the sausage patties.”

“Okay then,” she said. He watched her walk away, both of his arms shoved in his pockets. Hillary got the items she needed from the frozen section and looped back around with the shopping cart to find him. He was looking at the movies in a five dollar DVD bin.

“They’ve got Mean Girls in here,” he said with a smirk.

“That’s not bad, for a bargain bin,” said Hillary. “Usually the stuff in these isn’t that high quality. Well, maybe someday you can get your own DVD player.” He put the DVD back and they continued walking.

“Someday, yeah,” he said. “Someday meaning when people with metal arms can get jobs without being judged.”

“Oh my gosh, Bucky, you can’t just ask people why they have metal arms.”

Bucky thought for a moment. “Ah, ha ha. I get it. That was clever.”

“Yeah, right. But seriously, though, I was thinking more like someday when you and Steve were back together he could help you get that job,” said Hillary. She meant well in saying it, but a split-second after the words had left her mouth she realized that Bucky might not be pleased to hear it. In fact he looked a little put off. She prepared to stammer an apology. But then Bucky said: 

“Stop trying to make Steve happen. It’s not going to happen.” And he smiled.

Hillary laughed, partly with relief. “Ah, you just had to pull that quote, didn’t you?”

“But seriously, though,” said Bucky.

“It’s been almost a month since you’ve seen it, and you’re still quoting it.”

“Well, it’s funny.”

She laughed harder. 

“Yeah, you think I’m entertaining, don’t you?” He smirked at her and then walked alongside her. 

Yes, she did. 

They came to an aisle at the end of the store. The nearer end was household chemicals and cleaning solutions. Bucky took a suspicious sniff.

“Hm, what are you getting down here?”

“Just some more dish detergent for Mom,” said Hillary. “And further down I’m going to get some female hygiene products. It’s nothing indecent.”

“I just don’t like the smell of chemicals,” he said, looking around. 

“Why, bad memories?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, then. If you’re so nervous, why don’t you go stand watch?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, Then he imitated a high-pitched voice. “Stand and watch, Bucky, while I blow our secret, with my stupid girly habits!”

Hillary doubled over the handle of the grocery cart. “Get out of here, you loser.” Bucky went to the end of the aisle again. There was a display of collapsible laundry hampers on sale. He took a good look at them and wondered if they would work for either taking with him in the near future or using at some other point in time when his life was stable (which he doubted it was going to be). Feeling a bit warm, he took his hat off and ran his fingers through his long hair. It needed to be washed again. Jo kept offering to cut it for him, but he thought it suited him just fine.

If he had been more careful, he might not have done something so revealing in public. As it was, he did not know how to recognize in-store security cameras.

Hillary came back with her items in the basket. They picked up some toilet paper and paper towels and napkins and then went to checkout, Bucky loading most of the items onto the conveyor belt while Hillary paid.

“You know, it’s nice to have somebody to quote movies with,” Hillary said to him as they walked out of the store.

“I’m glad to have someone who quotes them back,” said Bucky.

Hillary thought for a moment, and then said, “But really, though, sometime soon Steve Rogers is going to catch up with you. It won’t kill you to talk to him.”

He didn’t respond to that.

“You wanna drive home or do you want shotgun again?” 

“I think I’d like to drive,” said Bucky. “In my time as...well...I got a little too used to sitting shotgun.” 

Hillary patted his arm. “Hey, it doesn’t have to be like that ever again. You can sit wherever you want.”

“I know,” said Bucky. He refrained from adding, But you don’t have nightmares every other night about sitting in the passenger’s seat with a rifle.

 

When Coulson had visited the Tempe S.H.I.E.L.D. office during the Scottsdale incident, he had called in several agents from the central office in Washington, D.C. to come and help out while Agents Clay and Swill were recovering from their injuries. He also left instructions to keep an eye on local surveillance systems. Part of this was to watch for any signs of Hydra resurging, even after being thoroughly scoured. Furthermore, Phil Coulson believed that there was a chance that the Winter Soldier was still in the area. There was no evidence that he had left or that Hydra had scared him away. He told his suspicions to the Agent Parsons and to the subordinate agents in Tempe. They took his word for it.

The next day, Hillary had to leave to meet Coulson and Mitch in Los Angeles, from where they would fly to Japan. Bucky went back to the garage.

The feed from the surveillance cam at that particular grocery store went through the S.H.I.E.L.D. computer system and reported a hit. A notice was sent to the Tempe office. Agent Doug Trammell thought at first maybe it was a glitch--they almost never found targeted individuals that way. Then he wondered who it was. The man’s face had appeared on camera for only milliseconds, but the computer system said it matched the description of the Winter Soldier. 

Agent Tramell reported this to Agent Parsons, the office director. Parsons sent an email to Sam Wilson. Captain Steve Rogers was out with the Avengers--this time in Uruguay.  
But Sam would have time to look at the evidence they had found. 

From his home computer in Washington, D.C., Sam Wilson thought it looked solid. The former Hydra assassin was definitely in Mesa, Arizona. He posted the picture from the surveillance cam on the “Save Bucky” Facebook page along with the store address. He also sent Steve a text.

Sam: Hey, Steve, I’ve got a lead on your friend. He’s for sure in Arizona.

Steve: That’s cool, bro. Tell you what, when I get back from Uruguay I’ll come see you. See if you can find out anything else before then.

Sam: And when will you be back?

Steve: Early next week.

Sam: Not soon enough. You know how he keeps running away.

There were several people following the “Save Bucky” page who worked on behalf of missing persons’ organizations, including Corinne Meyer. Corrine shared the information about the recent sighting to an Arizona missing persons’ group. She did not mention that he was Captain America’s best friend: only that he was someone that someone on the east coast was having a hard time finding.

One of the followers on this Arizona page was a customer at Tanner Automotive. They recognized the face and the unkempt hair of the man who lived in the breakroom and changed out the water. Well, they thought, if they were helping this person be reunited with people who loved him, then why not? The kind soul mentioned Trey Tanner’s errand runner and gave the address for the mechanic’s shop. Corinne Meyer forwarded the information to Sam Wilson via a Facebook message. 

The Avengers came back from Uruguay a week after the sighting on the surveillance cam. Landing at their tower in New York, Steve Rogers got off the QuinJet and went to his room to find a text from Sam Wilson.

CALL ME.

Steve dialed Sam. 

“About time, man,” Sam answered.

“Hey, Sam. What’s happening?”

“Not much. What’s new with you? Just got back from Avenging?”

“Yeah, finally. So do you have a lead or what?”

“I’ve got a lead.”

“Is this for real?”

“It’s for real this time. He’s in Arizona. We have an address, a sighting, everything. He’ll be there.”

“Okay. I’ll come down to meet you.”

“Great. I’ll get the plane tickets ready and a rental car.”

“I thought you said you weren’t doing anything.”

“Just a...general statement,” said Sam. 

“Whatever. I’ll be there tonight.”

“Just to get on another plane in the morning?”

“Yeah. Flying on airplanes is old hat for me now. I did it today and yesterday and the day before…”

“You should get your own flying apparatus, man.”

“Shut up. I don’t need one.” 

Tired as he was, Steve drove all the way down to Washington, D.C. to spend the night at his friend Sam’s apartment. When Steve got there, Sam got him something to eat and then showed him the evidence he’d been sent from the Internet. It looked pretty convincing.

“We only got one shot at this, man,” said Sam.

“I know,” said Steve.

“And you know we’ve gotten there before and he was already gone.”

“Yeah. This time will be different. What time does our flight leave again?”

“Six in the morning. We should be there about ten a.m. local time.”

“Shoot, that doesn’t give us much time to sleep tonight, does it?”

“Do you get enough sleep, when you’re out there Avenging?”

“Depends on the day. So he’s living in a car repair shop? Is that what I’m hearing?”

“That’s what they told me. And the person heard it from someone else.”

“Well, if that’s true, then he’s doing a lot better than I thought he was.” Steve clicked on the Google search page. “Tanner Automotive...wait a second.”

“What?” 

“Proprietor name Trey Tanner...I know this guy’s daughter. We went to S.H.I.E.L.D. school together.”

“You know his daughter? How well?”

“We didn’t date or anything like that, come on, Wilson. But we hung out a lot. She was friends with my friends, so naturally…”

“Well, you didn’t have that many friends to start with, bro.”

“Well, does Emily count? You remember her?”

“The weird Jedi girl? Oh yeah, I remember.”

“So yeah, mutual friends. But I remember Hillary saying her dad owns a mechanic shop. Car repairs. They do pretty good business.”

“I’ll bet they do. Especially if they’ve got Bucky living in the breakroom.”

“Exactly. I wonder if Hillary knows about this.”

“Well, my source says it’s been going on for a while.”

“Hm.” Steve wasn’t sure what to make of that. Hillary was one of his few friends at S.H.I.E.L.D. who still worked there after Hydra was exposed. And she worked with Director  
Coulson, whom Steve trusted absolutely. But would Hillary hide something this serious from her boss? From him, even? 

Well, maybe it would turn out to be another wild goose chase, Steve thought to himself as he got ready for bed. But before he turned down on Sam’s couch, he sent Hillary a text message and hoped she would answer.

 

It had been almost a week since Hillary, Coulson, and Mitch had arrived in Tokyo. Hillary was still struggling with jet lag as well as culture shock. 

It was Wednesday in the U.S. but already Thursday morning in Japan. They would not head out to their case until later in the morning, so Hillary was in her hotel room getting ready. She had her phone on the vanity counter and she was playing music.

Her door was open, and Coulson poked his head through.

“Mind if I come in?”

“I’m decent, so no.”

Coulson entered the room and leaned against the closet.

“So I just got an email from Agent Parsons in Tempe. Clay and Swill are both back at work.”

“That’s good to hear,” said Hillary. 

“They’re still in recovery from their injuries, technically,” Coulson added. “So they won’t be ready if there’s another high-risk situation anytime soon.”

“Are the agents you called in to help sticking around?”

“For the time being.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah. For the record, I hadn’t spent much time in Phoenix before last month. It was nice to finally go there.”

“No doubt the horror stories about sidewalks that fry eggs scared you away.”

“No, I just didn’t get the chance. But it was a pity, though, to have to go there on work-related business. I’d like to come and visit again, maybe on a less urgent occasion.”

“You’re more than welcome to,” said Hillary. “And you’ll have to meet my family, if you get the chance. We’ll have you over for dinner. My mom’s a good cook.”

“Few things I like better than a home-cooked meal.”

“What do you like better?”

“Walks in the park. Bouquets of flowers. Classical music...especially the cello--” 

Hillary saw his eyes starting to mist over. “I get it, I get it.”

“You play the piano, don’t you?”

“Yeah. That’s right.”

“Well, maybe one of these days I’ll get us into a luxury hotel with a grand piano in the lobby and you can serenade me.”

“Nah. I like playing on my piano at home better.” Then she thought of something. “Do you have a home now, Coulson? After New York? I thought S.H.I.E.L.D. told your family that you died.”

“I’ve told my family I’m back,” said Coulson, his smile fading a little. “But there’s not enough around that I was close to. My parents died years ago.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. D.C. is my home now, I guess.”

“Well, it’s not a bad place to live.”

Mitch appeared in the hallway behind Coulson. “Hey, Boss, Mr. Kamota just called back. He’s on hold.”

“I’ll be right there, Mitch. We’ll be going in just a few, Hillary.”

“I’m almost ready,” said Hillary as she touched up her mascara.

Coulson left the room. A few minutes later, Coulson came back with his briefcase in hand. 

“Agent Tanner, when you’re ready.”

“Coming,” said Hillary. She turned off her music, put her phone on the bed, put her shoes on, grabbed her briefcase, and headed out of the door, locking it.

But at that exact moment. Steve’s text arrived. 

And Hillary didn’t realize until that night that she had left her phone. Mitch ended up taking the “group selfie” of the three of them in Downtown Tokyo. They went to a restaurant for dinner while waiting for another lead on their case. The call came at ten p.m. They went, and they didn’t make it back to their hotel room until one in the morning.

Hey, Hillary, it’s Steve. So my friend Bucky has been traced to Arizona and we have reason to believe he is living and working at your dad’s garage. Can you tell us anything about that? Sam Wilson and I are flying out to Phoenix tomorrow morning. 

Hillary was tired after a long day. It took her a minute to process what Steve was saying. She was surprised that Steve had messaged her at all. He had said they would have to catch up sometime, but he had been so busy with the Avengers since Scottsdale.

Steve….Bucky...Dad’s garage...Steve is coming...oh no...wait. Isn’t this supposed to be a good thing?

Had the time finally come?

If anything, she needed to give Bucky a heads up. She texted the number for his tracfone.

Hey, Bucky, it’s Hillary. Steve Rogers has found you and he’s on his way to see you. Are you ready to see him again?

Before she hit send, she tried to figure out what time it was in Mesa. It was just after nine in the morning the previous day. Bucky would be awake to get her text, wouldn’t he?

Right after sending the text, she got ready for bed. She half-expected Bucky to text her back within minutes. But half an hour passed, and she couldn’t wait up any longer. 

 

It was Thursday morning in Mesa. He was in the Tanner Automotive break room heating his breakfast in the microwave. He heard his tracfone go off. The shorter ring meant it was a text. 

He opened the phone and read the message.

A part of him wondered if she was joking. It wasn’t April Fool’s day yet, was it?

Yet he knew that Hillary would never joke about this.

He had no idea how to respond. What time was it over in Japan anyway? Would she be able to give him more information, if he replied? He wondered about asking Trey if he could help him figure out what was going on. But Trey was busy--every stall in the garage was taken and Trey was trying to help all of his workers at once. It didn’t seem important enough to merit an interruption. He could wait, possibly, for the rush to let up. 

It came down to the fact that he didn’t want to be bothered by Hillary’s message at all. Maybe it was some kind of a mistake. He would just forget about it for now. 

 

The plane landed at Sky Harbor airport shortly after noon. Steve and Sam disembarked and went to pick up their rental car. 

“It’s a good thing we packed light,” said Sam as they threw their duffel bags in the trunk.

“Yeah. It’s nice not to have to take a lot of equipment with me on a trip, for once.”

They got into the car and drove away.

“Wanna get something to eat?” asked Sam.

“Sure.”

“Well, let me know if you see someplace.” They started cruising around the business district close to the airport. 

“Question.”

“Yes.”

“What happens if we really do find him? I mean, this is the closest we’ve ever gotten, so I’m actually kind of wondering about this: what then?”

“Well, we make sure he’s okay for the next few days, and when we get the chance we’ll come back for him.”

Sam looked at Steve incredulously.

“What?”

“You come all the way out here to find him. You really think he’s going to stay here after you’ve found him, and go back with you to...wherever? He hasn’t even let you see him once.”

“I know,” said Steve. “We’ll just...play it by ear, I guess.”

“You do realize when we finish with this you’ll have to go back with the Avengers.”

“I do.”

“So what do we do with him then?”

“Well...I don’t know. We’ll see what he wants to do, I guess. But you can keep an eye on him for me, can you?”

“Sure,” Sam said, shaking his head. “I’ve always wanted to babysitt an ex-super assassin.”

“This isn’t gonna be easy, Sam--”

“I know that.”

“But I’m not done with the Avengers yet,” said Steve. “Hydra is still out there. As long as they are, Bucky isn’t safe. Neither is the rest of the world. You know that.”

“Uh-huh. I hate to break it to you, Steve, but he might not want to see you.”

“I’ve considered that.”

“Well, have you considered that he doesn’t really consider you his friend anymore?”

“Yes, Sam, but we’ve been through this a thousand times. He remembers me. If he didn’t, then I wouldn’t be alive. You know that. So I’m going to tell you again, and I need you to listen: he will.”

“And I’m going to say this to you again, and I’m not gonna tell you again, Cap: he doesn’t know you. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Sam gave a heavy sigh. “I wonder what it’s going to take to convince you.”

Steve was thinking the same thing about Sam, though he didn’t say it.

 

It was fairly busy all morning at Tanner Automotive, and it looked like it was going to stay that way into the afternoon. 

Bucky stayed in the breakroom. He wasn’t called out to learn anything about car repair, or to run an errand down to Greg’s store, or even to take the trash. So he just lay down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. He occupied himself with thinking about what he would like for himself, if he could have a normal life. 

 

After lunch at a little sandwich shop near the airport, Steve and Sam decided to head towards Tanner Automotive. They got on the Red Mountain Freeway to Mesa and took the exit on Alma School Drive, as directed by the GPS. The traffic was light for that time of day, and they had little difficulty in finding the shop.

They pulled into the customer parking lot and parked. Steve got out of the car slowly and looked around. 

“Is this it?” he asked Sam.

“I think this is about as ‘it’ as it gets,” said Sam. But when he looked at Steve, he couldn’t quite read his friend’s face.

“Are you ready to see him, man?”

Steve had never asked himself that question before.

“I don’t know,” said Steve. “But I guess we’ll see if he is.”

Sam gave a quick shrug and a half-smile. “Well, here goes nothing.”

 

Trey Tanner was helping Adam Blake to repair a car engine. He had seen the nice car--and judging by the plates, a rental--park in the customer lot. He saw the two men come out. The taller one was wearing a baseball cap and Trey couldn’t see his face clearly. They walked towards the shop. Trey wiped his hands on a cloth and went forward to meet them.

“How can I help you?”

“Hi,” said the taller man, sticking his hand out to shake. “I’m Steve Rogers.”

“The Steve Rogers?” said Trey. “Well, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person,” he said, shaking hands with Captain America. He did recognize the face under the baseball cap up close. “My daughter Hillary--”

“Yes, we went to S.H.I.E.L.D. school together. She’s a neat girl.”

Then he realized he was neglecting Steve’s friend. “How do you do?” he said, shaking hands.

“This is Sam Wilson.”

“I do what he does, just slower,” said Sam.

“Well, it’s good to meet you,” said Trey. “I’m glad you’re here. I understand you’re looking for someone,” said Trey.

“I am,” said Steve. 

“Well, if you’ll give me just a moment,” said Trey. “I’ll see if he wants to come out.”

Trey turned and went through the waiting room to the employee break room. He opened the door.

“Bucky,” he said.

The young man lying down on the couch lifted his head up.

“There’s someone here to see you.”

“There is?” he said, almost in disbelief. He sat up. He was wearing a t-shirt over his long undershirt--the metal on his left hand could be seen as he put his shoes on.

Trey watched him expectantly. Bucky looked...he didn’t want to say scared, but definitely nervous. Well, it was understandable. 

“I’ll...I’ll be there,” he said. “Just give me a minute.”

“That’s all right,” said Trey. “Just take your time.” 

Trey gave him an encouraging smile, and then he closed the door. 

Steve and Sam were still waiting where he had left them, talking while they watched Adam at work.

Trey came back to them and said, “He said he needs a minute to get ready, but he’ll be out.”

“Fair enough, we can wait,” said Steve. Judging from the look on his face, Trey could tell that Steve had already waited long enough. 

 

He moved slowly, as if in a dream. He almost couldn’t bring himself to get up off the couch. It was like every part of him was a leaden weight.

He pulled on the glove over his left hand, watching the black material sliding over the metal pieces. 

He stood up. He turned to face the door. They were out there. He couldn’t hear people in the waiting room, unless maybe he had somehow gone deaf at that moment. He couldn’t see anything through the blinds over the window. 

But he wasn’t about to grab the doorknob and turn it. Even if Trey wanted him to. Not when he knew who he might be seeing out there.

There was no reason for him to take the chance that it was somebody else. Hillary had already told him who to expect.

He held up the wrist of his metal arm and rubbed it with his right hand. He knew who had come to see him. He knew, or he thought he knew, what they wanted.

Going out to face them wasn’t an option.

 

“I’m sure he’ll be here soon,” Trey told his guests. “Maybe we should give him another minute. Are you boys on a schedule?”

Steve was checking his watch.

“We’ve got all day for this,” said Sam.

They had been passing the time waiting by talking to Trey about the Avengers. Trey was fairly pleased to entertain them, and of course it looked like the other workers in the garage were trying hard not to listen. Trey, for his part, told them about Bucky--about how hard he worked, about how he got on with Trey’s associates and customers, and especially about what a good friend he was to his daughter.

“And you know, and it’s surprising because Hillary just wanted him to leave at first. But now they’re getting along just fine. He texts her sometimes, during the day -- “ He broke off. Steve was glancing up at the door to the waiting room every few seconds. 

“Why don’t we go to the waiting room, where we can sit down and chat,” said Trey. “I’m sure we’ll be more comfortable talking in there. And maybe he’ll be waiting for us.”

But there was no one in the waiting room. Trey told Steve and Sam to take a seat. He knocked on the door. “Bucky? Are you ready to come out? Your visitors are here.” He sighed and turned to his guests. “He gets like this sometimes. He won’t come out of there for love or money. I thought he was doing better lately.”

He sat down on the couch and spoke with Steve and Sam about some of the struggles that Bucky had been having. They both listened attentively, and it was several more minutes before Trey decided to check on Bucky again.

“I think I’d better see if he’s all right.” Trey got up off the couch. He opened the door. “Bucky, are you in there?” 

Trey froze with his hands on the doorknob.

“Mr. Tanner? Is there--” Steve got up and went to his side. Sam was right behind him.

The window on the far side of the room was wide open. 

Steve swore and turned and ran. 

“What? What’s happened?” Sam walked into the room after Trey. He had a good look around. The tracfone, clothes, and other small personal possessions were under the bed.  
There was a half-eaten sandwich on the counter. The place had definitely been lived in. But the occupant was missing. 

There was an Arizona Cardinals baseball cap on the floor. 

“His jacket’s gone,” said Trey, picking up the hat. “He normally takes that with him…”

“But does he run away like this?”

“No. He never has.”

Out on the street, Steve had nearly had two cars crash into him as he crossed the road. He threw his jacket and hat onto the ground, but where they landed he never knew. All he could see was a dark figure running away from him, already at least five blocks ahead and the distance between them increasing with every second.

“BUCKY!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, though he could not muster much breath as he ran. He couldn’t think of anything else to shout. He didn’t even know if Bucky could hear him from that distance. 

The next street he came to, the cars were crowded together in both directions and he couldn’t bring himself to barrel through the traffic. But he was in agony as he had to catch his breath and watch the figure in the distance go further and further away before turning the bend. 

Finally the crosswalk signal came on. He ran as quickly down the block as he could before the light changed again up ahead, and he managed to run another three blocks without stopping. 

Steve came around the bend in the road. Bucky wasn’t anywhere in sight.

The Winter Soldier could run as fast, if not faster, than Captain America. 

Had Bucky turned? It wasn’t going to do any good to sit and wonder which way to go. He took a right turn into a neighborhood and kept going, then zigzagged a few times. 

Stopping to ask someone if they had seen anyone running would have taken too much time.

Steve paused a few times when he came to an intersection, trying to figure out which way to go. 

After a while, however, he realized that he had no clue where he was. Sam was probably worried about him.

Steve realized he couldn’t go much further. He had to go back to the garage. At least with Sam and the car they would have a reasonable chance of catching up with Bucky. 

Steve backtracked towards what he hoped was the main road that led back the way he had come. He had the good fortune of recognizing the street name. 

But not of finding his friend.

 

When he returned to the garage, the other mechanics paid him little attention. Sam and Trey were still in the break room--otherwise known as the place where Bucky had been living for the past...however long. Steve was exhausted, physically and emotionally, and his thought processes were just starting to come back on line.

Sam didn’t look at all surprised to be seeing Steve returning alone.

“So how’d it go?” he asked.

“He was already five blocks ahead of me when I got out there,” said Steve. “I barely saw him in the distance. Traffic...and then he disappeared.”

Trey looked deeply disappointed. “I’m sorry, Steve.”

“No worries,” said Steve. “It wasn’t your fault.” Steve caught his breath and looked around. “So, he’s been living here for the last little while.”

“Yes, since after Thanksgiving,” said Trey. “My daughter invited him into the house. I asked him to stay longer. I offered him a job. A place he could hide. Hillary agreed to make sure S.H.I.E.L.D. didn’t find him. On the weekends he’ll go with one of my other workers...they take turns. And of course he’s over at my house quite a bit. Especially when Hillary comes over. Like I said, they’re close.”

“Or they were close,” said Sam. “Do you think he’s coming back?”

“I’m not sure,” said Trey. “He’s never run away like this before.”

“Even when Hydra was in the area last month--did you hear about that? Wait, who am I talking to, they came to your house first--” Then Steve broke off, realizing something. He looked at Sam, then looked away. Steve cursed, and then apologized to Trey.

“It’s all right, son. Just don’t lose your temper.” 

“But he was at your house when it happened--that’s where Hydra traced him to.” Steve gaped at Trey. 

“Bucky has not been comfortable with the idea of you finding him,” said Trey. “He made me and Hillary promise not to say anything to S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Steve walked over to the couch. He sat down and ran his hands through his hair.

It was an odd feeling, realizing that Bucky had just been sitting there a short while ago.

“How long was I gone?”

“Half an hour, give or take,” said Sam calmly. “Trey had to go out and speak with a few people, but other than that we’ve just been sitting here talking. Life, work, jobs...normal stuff.”

“So I guess Bucky liked staying here,” said Steve, looking up at Trey.

“He liked it well enough,” said Trey. “We’ve really enjoyed having him. I was hoping he would make up with you sometime. I guess that’s not going to be today.”

“I guess not.”

“But...he’s a good man. Hard-working. Quiet. He’ll do any favors I ask him to. I felt bad for the poor kid when he showed up. I thought I could help him out. I thought I could  
offer him a better life.”

“Well, sounds like he took it.”

“Yes,” said Trey. “He really had a lot going for him.”

And Steve had been out Avenging almost the entire time. Why? Why had he neglected his friend when Bucky had been right here in Arizona the whole time? 

You’re pathetic, Rogers, he thought to himself. Really pathetic. 

“So what happened when Hydra came knocking?”

“He was home when their spy came into our backyard. He ran and hid for a couple of days. Then right before your friends, oh I forget their names--”

“Barton and Romanoff--”

“Barton and Romanoff, yes, right before they came here, my brother Kenny took him up to his cabin in Payson. He came back after it was all over.”

Steve looked around the room. Under the couch where he was sitting were a bunch of discarded clothes--and a cell phone. But it was an older model, the kind that folded over--a flip phone. He’d had one of those right after he’d gotten off the ice. The mini display on this phone was lit up because there was a new text message.

He picked up the phone and opened it, answering the message.

Hey, Bucky, did you get my text earlier?

It was from Hillary.

“That’s a tracfone we got him,” said Trey, “so we could get a hold of him in case of emergency.”

Steve barely heard him. Hillary had sent Bucky a text message earlier that morning. She had told Bucky he was coming.

Bucky hadn’t even come out to meet him and Sam.

He folded up the phone. 

“So what are we going to do now?” asked Sam.

Steve looked out the window. “Well, if he’s still close, we’d better go out and look for him.”

He stood up and handed the phone back to Trey.

“We’re sorry to have bothered you, Mr. Tanner. But thank you for your help.”

“Not a problem,” said Trey. “Let me know if you find him.”

“We will,” said Steve. “We’ve got two more days here. I figure we’ve got a chance.”

“And if not, hopefully the next time you come to visit will be a happier occasion.”

“I hope so.”

They said goodbye. Steve and Sam left Tanner Automotive, not bothering to look back at the other auto mechanics.

Steve could barely look up from the pavement as they walked to their rental car.

“Are you gonna be okay, man?” Sam asked.

“Let’s just find him.”

Sam grabbed his shoulder and stopped him. Steve didn’t even bother to glance at him.

“Look, I said I’d come with you. Don’t shut me out. Okay. We’ll find him.”

Steve knew that Sam was only saying that to make him feel better. 

“I’ll drive,” said Sam. “You got the keys?”

“Here,” said Steve, pulling the key out of his pocket.

Steve could feel himself getting angry, but he chose to let go of it for the time being. He would deal with Hillary later. But for now, he chose to focus on the reason he had come here. He and Sam drove up the street where he had chased Bucky and then drove around some of the surrounding neighborhoods on both sides. It was a very tedious process, going down all the side streets and looking down the back alleys between the cinder-block fences. He’d get his hopes up every time they turned the corner or saw someone approaching them. But Bucky wouldn’t be out in the open like this--he’d be hiding somewhere.

“Should we be asking around if people have seen him?” Steve asked. “You think that would help?”

“I dunno, there probably aren’t a lot of people who’ve seen him,” said Sam. “It’d slow us down, if anything.”

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s probably not worth it.”

Steve remembered back to last summer when he and Sam had started out on this search. They’d spend weeks hunting down leads, then go to the locations where Bucky had been spotted, and then do this slow, methodical searching for hours on end, hoping just maybe that Bucky would turn up somewhere. But then Sam got bored and Steve got discouraged. After finishing the Harry Potter books on tape, Steve had decided to call a break. And then Emily Bridger and Director Coulson had come back from Canada with news of Hydra’s remnants gathering strength. 

And Steve couldn’t stay away for weeks this time either. Hydra was still out there. And he had a team waiting for him.

“Well, have you had enough?” Sam asked at about five in the evening.

“Should we go back in case he’s gone there?”

“I wouldn’t sweat it. He probably knows that’s where you’ll go looking for him, too. He’s not stupid, you know.”

“You’ve said that before.”

“Yeah. But you don’t seem to listen.”

Sam turned back towards one of the main roads. 

“Any preference for where you’d like to stay tonight?”

“Hm, I don’t know.”

“You’re a little spoiled after spending all that time at Stark’s place, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, a little. But we don’t need to break the bank. Let’s see if LaQuinta’s got an opening. I think I saw one back there.” 

“Back where?”

Steve looked up and down the street they had entered. There was no sign of the hotel. 

“Hm, it might’ve been a different street.” 

“Right. Well, we can keep driving. You want dinner?”

“Yeah. I guess so.” Steve suddenly noticed that he was hungry. Not terribly hungry, but he would prefer to eat soon. “Well, maybe in the next short while. Let’s find the hotel first.”

But as they drove down the street, their search ended for the day, Steve thought back to what they had discovered that afternoon. 

“Did you get Tanner’s number?” Sam asked.

“No,” said Steve. “It wouldn’t be too much trouble to look it up, though, would it?”

He couldn’t understand it. According to Trey, Bucky had been doing just fine. Even when Hydra had come to town, it sounded like he hadn’t been phased too terribly. But now Bucky had run away. And Steve was the reason. Bucky didn’t want to see him. Had he done something wrong, Steve wondered? Was the former Winter Soldier afraid that his old enemy had come to kill him? Or did James Buchanan Barnes not remember his childhood friend? 

Maybe it was both?

And then there was the fact that he had known ahead of time. Trey said Bucky had been in the room when he had gone to tell him that Steve and Sam had arrived. 

Hillary might have meant well, telling Bucky. But at the same time, Trey had mentioned they were close friends.

What if Hillary had taken Bucky’s side? She had lied to S.H.I.E.L.D. for him. Why not lie to Captain America?

“You’re fuming at the mouth, man. What’s happening?” Sam asked.

“Hillary. She told him ahead of time. She’s been hiding him from us since he got here.”

“Oh.” Sam didn’t look too alarmed by this news. But Steve felt like breaking something.

“I can’t believe it. She was my friend. She knew what this meant to me.”

“Was your friend?” asked Sam. 

Steve cursed her. “She’s not my friend anymore. Not if she’s going to do this to me.” 

“I was under the impression that Bucky didn’t want to be found. She was just trying to help him out.

“Well, she went along with it! She knows better than to lie about something like this! A person of her background--her morals! And she works for Coulson, too!” Steve swore again.

“Dude, just calm down,” said Sam. “You’re overthinking it. Look, here’s a cheap motel. We can crash there for tonight, okay? Maybe we’ll find Bucky here in the next few days and we’ll clear this whole thing out.”

But one thing still bothered Steve.

Why didn’t Bucky want to be found?

Nothing, not going out to dinner at a nice restaurant or sulking on his bed afterwards, not even Sam calling him out for acting like a five-year-old, helped him feel better. Sam went down to the swimming pool and invited Steve to come, but Steve said no.

Steve wanted to call Hillary or send her a text, but he couldn’t think of anything nice to say to her. But while Sam was absent, Steve made a phone call to Director Coulson.  
Sam came back from the swimming pool as Steve was wrapping up his call. He hung up.

Sam looked at him. “Well. You feeling better?”

Steve would have liked to have said that he did, but in reality he didn’t. So he said nothing.

“Fair enough.” 

 

Coulson was in Tokyo, and it was Saturday afternoon there.

Bad moods can be contagious. When Coulson got off the phone with Captain Rogers, he was ready to give Hillary a thorough chewing-out.

He and Mitch and Hillary were at the Tokyo S.H.I.E.L.D. office. Hillary came into the open area as Coulson stood in place, looking at his phone.

“Hey, Boss, we’ve got a new lead on--is something the matter?”

Coulson looked at her. “Hillary. A moment, if you please.” He gestured to a spare office on the side of the room. She nodded and followed him.

Coulson closed the door.

“Now, Hillary.” Coulson thought for a moment, wondering where to begin. “So I just got off the phone with Steve Rogers.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“He’s been taking a few days off from Avenging to go find Bucky. Can you guess where his latest lead led him?”

“N-n-no, sir,” said Hillary.

“To your dad’s garage. In Mesa, Arizona. Does this surprise you?”

“Steve did send me a text yesterday, saying he was going there.”

“Can you guess what he found there?”

Hillary’s face fell. “What happened?”

“He found that Bucky had clearly been living there, in the breakroom, but then he’d somehow gotten wind that Steve was coming. So as soon as Steve and Sam Wilson had arrived, he opened the back window and bolted out of sight.”

Hillary gasped silently. “Oh my gosh,” she said when she exhaled. “Oh my gosh. How could he?”

“Yes, that’s a good question, actually,” said Coulson. “Apparently, somebody warned Bucky that Steve was coming--that someone being YOU.” 

Hillary backed away. “Boss, I didn’t mean for Bucky to run away, I swear--”

“Your word doesn’t mean anything to me,” said Coulson. “You’ve been lying to me. Ever since I took you on for this job. I took you as my assistant because you were loyal.  
Dependable. Honest. Everything a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent needs to be. As it turns out, however, you are a lying, cheating scum. You’ve been hiding Bucky Barnes at your family’s home in Arizona ever since you started working for me. IS THAT OR IS THAT NOT SO?”

Hillary sounded like she was about to deny it, but then she stammered, “It-it-it is so, Boss. Sir.” 

“I should have known,” said Coulson. “I should have guessed something was wrong with you. You’re no different from Hydra, hiding him, do you realize that?”

“Sir, it wasn’t like that,” said Hillary. “Bucky--”

“Don’t pin the blame on him, Agent!” Coulson snapped at her. “It’s your own fault.”

“Coulson, you don’t understand, he didn’t want to be found!”

“And you didn’t let us? Hillary, last month, Hydra attacked your house because the Winter Soldier was staying there! We launched an all-out attack on Hydra to stop them from  
getting to him. Why? Because you wanted to hide the truth from them as well as from us! But you should have told us then, Agent. You endangered him and your family needlessly because you wanted him all to yourself! Shame on you!” 

Hillary was about to open her mouth to retort, but then Mitch opened the door.

“Excuse me, sir, but Agent Heyers was wondering -- “

“Tell him it can wait,” said Coulson.

“Do you mind if I ask what’s going on?”

“This doesn’t concern you, Agent Sorensen,” said Coulson. “This is between me and Agent Tanner.”

“Yes, but I believe she was about to say something when I entered. Go on.” He nodded to Hillary.

Hillary took her cue. She took a deep breath and said, “Coulson, Bucky made my family swear never to tell anyone. I had every intention of reporting him to S.H.I.E.L.D. and turning him over to Captain Rogers. But then my dad offered him a job. A place to stay. Something to do with his life besides picking through garbage cans for the next meal. And he took it.”

“And how do you explain what happened today?” said Coulson. “Do you know how upset Captain Rogers is with you?”

“I can imagine quite a bit.”

“Do you even care?”

“Yes, I do care about Steve’s feelings!” said Hillary. “But don’t you understand, Bucky has feelings too! He’s been struggling so much with his past. He’s been trying to build a new life for himself. He’s not ready to see Steve again. That’s why he ran away. Do you think I’m somehow responsible for his choices?” 

Coulson was going to answer her, but then Mitch cut him off.

“She’s right, boss. You can’t ask him to do something he doesn’t want.”

Coulson glared at Mitch, but then turned to look at Hillary.

Hillary was starting to cry. “It’s not that I don’t want Steve and Bucky reunited, I just--I can’t tell him what to do. I’ve tried to convince him. I really have. But...it’s just so hard to help him.”

“Really? Because from the sound of things you’ve had an easier time helping him than most.”

“You know what he’s been through, Coulson, don’t you?”

“I do. I’m the head of (expletive) S.H.I.E.L.D. I know better than most. But that is no excuse for your behavior. We’ve wasted hours of manpower and millions of dollars searching for the Winter Soldier, and he’s been hiding cozily in your little shack in the desert.” Hillary gaped at him. “Don’t feel proud of yourself for helping him out. You will wait in here until I’ve figured out what to do with you. Mitch, let’s go.”

Mitch gave Hillary a parting glance of confusion and sympathy. Coulson just glared at her and shut the door with a snap. Hillary collapsed on a chair and cried, sobbing until she got the hiccups.

Coulson acted moody and thunderous the rest of the day. The other agents in the office kept their distance. Mitch went to check on Hillary after a while and bring her some tissues.

“I figured it was only a matter of time before it came out, you know,” Mitch told her. “It’s only natural for Coulson to react this way: he’s Captain America’s biggest fan. You really didn’t think you were going to get away with hiding Cap’s best friend from Coulson, did you?”

Hillary sniffled a little. “How long have you known?”

“Retniw is Winter spelled backwards. It wasn’t difficult to put two and two together.”

Hillary gave him a weak smile. Then Coulson barged in on them.

“Sorensen! I don’t want to see you in there again!”

Hillary desperately wanted to call her family. She wanted to know what had happened. Where had Bucky gone off to? Was Steve really that angry with her? Were her parents all right?

Coulson let her out after a while to get a drink of water and to use the bathroom. He set her up in that abandoned office to sort through old data sheets. He wasn’t letting her anywhere near their case.

When they went to the hotel that night, Hillary took a long shower. She had several text messages from her parents--Steve had come to visit, Bucky had run away and was nowhere to be found. Steve hadn’t texted her back. Bucky had never replied to the second text she sent. 

 

The next day was Sunday. Coulson let her go to church with Mitch but right afterward he dragged her back to the office to continue working on data sheets. Then that afternoon, Coulson got a phone call.

“Yes, she’s right in here. Yes, I’ll hand you to her.” Coulson walked into the little office and handed Hillary his cell phone without a word. 

“Hello?”

“Hillary,” said a disgruntled voice. “It’s Steve.”

“Hi. How are you?”

“How do you think?”

“Are you mad at me?”

“I’m beyond mad at you,” said Steve. 

“Well, whatever it was I did, I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say.

“And do you know what you did?”

“You tell me. I was just trying to help out a homeless guy who was having trouble facing his past. Didn’t my parents explain that to you?”

“Yes. They did. Or at least you dad did. I haven’t met your mother yet. But this isn’t about Bucky. This is about you.” Hillary didn’t say anything. “You lied to me. You lied to S.H.I..E.L.D. You abused S.H.I.E.L.D. resources to hide him. And you lied to S.H.I.E.L.D. about his whereabouts when Hydra was in your neighborhood looking for him. I had every right to know about it, Hillary. And so did Coulson.”

“I know, Steve,” said Hillary. “But Bucky--”

“Don’t blame him for your actions. It’s not his fault.”

“Then is it his fault that he doesn’t want to see you?”

“No, it’s yours. You warned him, didn’t you?”

“Steve, I didn’t tell him to run away! He did that on his own.”

“Yes, well, I got to your dad’s garage and I didn’t even get to see him! He ran out the window and he was five blocks down the street before I could start chasing him. Hillary, I’ve been looking for him for almost a year. This is the closest I’ve come. And now here I’ve been wandering around this town for two days and there isn’t any sign of him. Do you think this is some kind of (expletive) joke?”

“No,” said Hillary. “And he doesn’t either.”

“You’ve been lying to me, Hillary. And what’s more, you’ve been lying to Coulson and to S.H.I.E.L.D. I took down S.H.I.E.L.D. last year because of people like you who were lying and cheating to get what they wanted--lying and cheating so they could abuse Bucky, just like you’ve been doing.”

“Steve, for the record, I --”

“Shut the (expletive) up! I don’t want your excuses. Now, your dad told me it was his idea to take him in. But Hillary, why didn’t you tell me? You could have told me. You know what this means to me, don’t you?”

“Steve, I do,” said Hillary. “How many times do I have to tell you? I would have given anything when he turned up to tell you we’d found him! But he asked us to hide him--my dad wanted to help him. I wanted to help him. And he wouldn’t have stayed otherwise. He didn’t want you or S.H.I.E.L.D. to find him any more than he wanted Hydra to find him--well, maybe he was more afraid of Hydra--”

“But--” Steve struggled on the other end, grasping for words. “But why doesn’t he want me to find him? Why? He’s my friend, isn’t he?”

Hillary was silent for a moment. Then she said, “Steve, I’m going to be brutally honest here. He does remember you. A little. But he’s not the person he used to be. And he doesn’t remember you well enough to say that he misses you. I’ve asked him, over and over again, why he doesn’t just go back to you--why he keeps on running. But he’s afraid of you. He doesn’t feel like he can live up to your expectations. He doesn’t know if you will accept him. I know it’s hard to understand, but he’s got bigger problems. Nightmares. PTSD. Looking over his shoulder everywhere he goes for Hydra coming to find him.”

“I get it,” said Steve. He sounded like he was still irritated. “But, Hillary, that’s why I’ve been trying to find him. Because I know what that feels like. A little. I know how to help him. Why doesn’t he want me? I thought he did.”

“Well, Steve, I’m sorry. But it’s the truth. Bucky is his own person now. He’s trying to find his own way. You’re not going to like me saying this, but maybe you trying to find him is making things harder.”

“No. I won’t have it,” said Steve. “Hillary. He remembers me. He does. And I’m his friend. I owe him. And you don’t get any say in this.”

“Well, Bucky came to me for help,” said Hillary. “I’m sorry if you’re disappointed that he doesn’t want you--”

“SHUT UP!” Steve yelled at her. “(expletive) your excuses. (expletive) your family and your good intentions. This is all your (expletive) fault.” He called her a very nasty name.

“Okay, Steve, that’s enough!” said Hillary. Her ears were burning. “Say to me what you want, but don’t swear at me. I get enough bad language from Coulson when he chews me out. I don’t need it from you.”

There was silence for a few moments. 

“Oh,” said Steve. “I’m sorry.”

Hillary sighed. “Steve, I don’t know what else to say to you. I don’t really know what’s going on in Bucky’s mind. I know he was doing better...right up until you came. But that wasn’t your fault. Nobody is really at fault here, you know. It’s just one of those things. But...if Bucky wants you to find him, he’ll let you.”

“And what about you? Will he let you find him?”

“I don’t know.”

“Right. Well...I hope you realize you’ve broken my trust.” She waited for him to say “I’m sorry,” and he didn’t.

“I’m sorry I hid the truth from you,” said Hillary. “I really felt bad about it. I felt bad about the whole thing. I...guess I was able to not worry about it so much, after a while. But now might not be a good time to tell you...what happened.”

“You’re right. It’s probably not. I’ve got to get to bed. I’ve had a long day. I’ve probably got another long one coming up tomorrow. And Sam here’s looking at me like I’m going to pop a blood vessel.”

“Right. Please don’t do that on my account.”

“Right. Anyway. I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

“I guess so. But I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to talk to me ever again.” Steve didn’t respond. “Goodbye.” 

“Goodbye.”

Steve hung up first.

Hillary’s eyes welled with tears. They hadn’t exactly parted on good terms.

And what was worse, that was probably the last time she would ever speak with Steve Rogers.

After she’d been alone crying for a few minutes, she went to Coulson to return his phone. She thought she’d just set it on the end of his desk when he wasn’t looking. But he heard her coming. And he turned around.

“Well, how did it go?”

“Probably as well as it could have gone,” said Hillary, trying to sound casual.

Coulson was in no mood for games.

“I understand. You know, Captain America stands for truth. That means he doesn’t like it when people lie to him. I’m Captain America’s biggest fan. I don’t like it when people lie to me either. And you know what, Hillary, in light of the magnitude of your errors, and in light of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s restructured policies about full disclosure--and you helped write them, I may add--this is grounds for termination of your employment. The end. No more. Goodbye.”

“You’re going to fire me?”

“I’m not sure if I’m going to yet,” said Coulson. “I have every reason not to. But the reasons I need to fire you are probably more numerous. And much more important.”

“I could hand in my resignation right now, if you --”

“That is not your call to make, Agent Tanner. It’s mine. But for right now, I am suspending you without pay. I will be sending you home tonight. You will remain there until I have reached a decision. And while you’re there, I’d like you to pay a visit to Agent Parsons at our Tempe office. And I want you to tell him everything you’ve done. Is that understood?”

Hillary took a moment to take it in. “Yes, sir.”

“Good.” 

“Should I be going back to the hotel to pack?”

“We’ll leave in a few minutes.”

“I’ll call my parents and tell them.”

“You do that.”

Hillary’s mother was still awake. She and Hillary had a long conversation, with a lot of crying on Hillary’s part. Finally Coulson told her it was time to leave. Hillary hung up, and she and Coulson left the office.

Coulson didn’t say anything to Hillary during their drive to the hotel. She supposed it was better this way. She thought really highly of her boss. She really hated that it had come to this. 

Hillary guessed it was more than likely that she would be fired within the next week.

I hope Bucky’s happy, wherever he’s at, she thought to herself.

 

Mitch was in the lobby of the hotel when they arrived. He was wearing a windbreaker over his shirt and tie.

“Hillary,” he said, standing up. “What’s happening, Coulson?”

“I’m being sent home,” said Hillary.

“Have you been fired?”

“She is being suspended,” said Coulson. “What are you doing here? I thought you said --”

“I felt like I needed to come back here, actually,” said Mitch. He walked up to Hillary. “Have you been crying again? What’s the matter? Do you need me to help you pack?”

“I’m fine, thanks,” said Hillary.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” she said, brushing him away. She headed for the elevator.

Mitch and Coulson watched her leave.

Mitch looked at his boss. “Well, what are you going to do? Are you really going to fire her?”

“I haven’t decided that yet,” said Coulson. “But I can’t just let her get away with this.”

“Yes. But haven’t you considered the fact that she was lying for a good reason?”

“She was covering up for a wanted man. That’s not a good reason. The Winter Soldier, Mitch. He’s bad news.”

“He’s a guy with a lot of problems,” said Mitch. “If you ask me, I think S.H.I.E.L.D. should be leaving him well alone.” 

“You’ve got a lot of guts defending her,” said Coulson. “Did she make you swear not to tell me, that it was Bucky who saved your life? Or did he?”

“Hillary never told me his name while we were there,” said Mitch. “He didn’t want to introduce himself. He just kept quiet, sat in the back of the car, slept on the couch. He just didn’t want to be bothered.” He looked at Coulson. “Tell me, does it bother you, sir, that some people just want to be left alone?”  
“Only if S.H.I.E.L.D needs to keep an eye on them for some reason,” said Coulson. “S.H.I.E.L.D is not going to hurt Bucky Barnes. Not while I’m in charge. It was never the program to capture him, as long as he wasn’t causing trouble. But if Hydra is after him, then we can’t afford to keep our distance. It would have been better if Hillary had just told us. If she had just told Steve, too, that he didn’t want to be found. But we could’ve helped them out, you know. Now everyone’s just ended up hurting. But getting back to what I was saying, though. How long have you known?”

“Since she gave the name Jason Retniw. A simple search in the S.H.I.E.L.D. system reveals that it’s a forged identity that she created, not attached to anyone. Didn’t you think to look it up?”

“Didn’t you think to mention that in your report, Agent? You know I could have you penalized on the same charges she’s facing?”

“I am aware of that, yes,” said Mitch. 

“So why did you cover up for her?”

Mitch didn’t answer. He looked at the ground.

“Hm? Why? Do you like her, Sorensen? Are we a little infatuated?”

“Love is for children. I owe her a debt,” Mitch growled. 

“A debt?”

“Jason Retniw--well, Bucky Barnes, rather--he saved my life. So did Hillary. Helping this guy stay safe, helping him keep his cover--that may be the only way he’d let me repay him. And I can’t let you fire Hillary for this, boss. She’s been a great teacher and a good friend. I guess it won’t matter much if I’m getting fired too, but if you’re keeping me, you’ve got to keep her.”

“Well, I’m not going to let you both go just yet, agent,” said Coulson. He put a hand on Mitch’s shoulder. “I need you to help me finish up the case here. But Hillary needs to go home and think about what she’s done.”

“Well, you can do that, Coulson.” Mitch walked away.

 

Mitch tried making small talk with Hillary on the drive to the airport, but neither she nor Coulson were much in the mood for talking. He gave Hillary a long hug goodbye when they left her at the curb. Hillary wondered if she would ever see Mitch again, and judging by the look on his face he wondered the same thing.

Hillary almost never slept on plane rides. Sleep would have been welcome on that trip in particular but she was wide awake and uncomfortable the entire time, wondering how she was going to live with herself if she lost her job over this. 

She got to the LAX and found she was starting her period. Well, with all the crying lately she wasn’t surprised. She bought a tampon and went to catch her transfer to Phoenix. 

Her dad picked her up at Sky Harbor airport. It was Sunday morning. She had wondered if she would see Steve and Sam in passing at the airport, but she didn’t. As a matter of fact, they were in Arizona that day as well, still looking for Bucky. And neither Steve and Hillary were in the mood for meeting up. 

She’d already gone to church in Japan so she stayed home and slept off the jet lag. 

Steve and Sam left on Monday morning. 

 

On Tuesday, Hillary went to the Tempe S.H.I.E.L.D. office. Agent Parsons was busy when she arrived and she had to wait outside his office for a few minutes. She could hardly bring herself to look into the eyes of the other agents in the room. Not even Agent Marcie Johnson. Marcie even came down and sat next to her--Coulson had already called and told them everything. Marcie wasn’t even mad at Hillary. But that only made Hillary feel worse. 

At last, she entered Parsons’ office, and she sat across his desk facing him.

“So,” said Parsons, folding his hands together. “Where did we go off track, Agent Tanner?”

“Last Thanksgiving.” Parsons went through the events of the previous four months with her, from her creating false ID cards for “Jason Retniw” to Steve’s visit last weekend. She gave him a detailed description of everything she and her parents had done for Bucky, including but not limited to giving him food, clothing, and shelter. Hillary gave him the story of Bucky’s real involvement in fighting the Free Range Party and with the Hydra spy in her backyard. When Hillary mentioned that she and Bucky had been watching movies together at her house, Parsons gave a dry laugh.

“How cute, Tanner. You were friends. You, the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, and the Winter Soldier. Of course you would forget who you are, when you go home on the weekends. But have you forgotten who he is?”

“No, I haven’t,” said Hillary. “In fact it’s rather hard to forget about it, most of the time. Especially every time I see that metal arm.”

“Oh, you were trying,” said Parsons. “But I think you were spacing the part where the Winter Soldier was Hydra’s most feared and most notorious assassin. Twenty-five kill missions, not to mention hundreds of civilian casualties on the side. He’s one of the most dangerous people that ever lived. And you were letting him wait on you hand and foot while you were blowing your snot out your nose--Agent, do you realize how ridiculous that is?” Agent Parsons turned in his swivel chair.

“Agent Parsons, I am very well aware of the Winter Soldier’s record. However, I also know that he is a human being.”

“Hydra stripped him of his humanity, Agent! Do you realize that he could have a relapse at any moment, no matter how far he’s put that behind him? He shouldn’t be around people! He’s too dangerous!”

“Well, you don’t know him,” said Hillary. “He struggles sometimes. He broods a lot. He’s strong. But he knows what he’s capable of. And he chooses not to. He’s--”

“I don’t want to hear about it,” said Parsons. They returned to discussing Hillary’s cover-up of Bucky during the Scottsdale incident, and Parsons gave her a long list of the people she had lied to about Bucky’s whereabouts at this time. And then to top it off, he told her off about what he called the “disgusting episode” at her dad’s garage the previous Thursday. She told Parsons what she had told Coulson and Steve--that Bucky wasn’t reconciled with his past yet, and that it was his choice to run away. Parsons gave her the run-down of how this was the closest Steve had gotten to finding his friend--”he could literally see him running down the street!”--and how Steve had gone back to the Avengers “extremely disappointed and upset.” 

Hillary wasn’t going to defend herself. 

“So is that it, Agent? Do you have any more excuses you’d like to make? Anything else you need to confess?”

Hillary shook her head. “No. There’s not.”

“Well, good. I for one have had enough of this discussion for one day. And I suppose you’ve had your fill of it, too. You may go home now.” He stood up. Hillary stood as well and reached to shake his hand. Parsons accepted it but looked her in the face.

“Thank you, sir,” said Hillary.

“For the record, Tanner, it was an honor to have worked with you over the past year, and I have always admired and respected you. It is a disappointment that the true nature of your character has come out. And I, for one, hope to never see you near this office again.”

Hillary had no response to that. She opened the door and walked herself out. She didn’t even look at the other agents as she left. 

Agent Parsons was usually a respectable and relaxed man. When he was upset or offended, he could be very rude. Hillary had never thought she would be on the receiving end of his bad side. 

It was just a bad week for everybody. 

 

That night, Greg and Julia came over to the Tanners’ house for dinner, but while everyone else was happily chatting Hillary sat and brooded. 

Everyone else got up from the table before she did. Her parents and her sister and brother-in-law all got up to do the dishes. No one asked or expected Hillary to join.

Then Hillary stood up and took her plate over to the sink. She dropped it with a clatter on the counter. Then she started to head towards the kitchen door, picking up her purse from where she had left it on the counter. 

“Where’re you going?” asked Jo.

“Where do you think?” Hillary answered bitterly. She shut the door behind her before her mother could answer.

She got into her car and started driving. She went by Tanner Automotive and then continued down the street. She turned off into one of the nearby neighborhoods. She started coming the back alleys and the side streets, driving slowly and looking carefully out her window as she went. Sam and Steve had spent the weekend searching for Bucky in much the same way.

A part of Hillary wondered if maybe he would come out now that they were gone.

It was a cloudy evening, and Hillary hadn’t been out for more than an hour when it became dark. 

She was searching another neighborhood some blocks away from her dad’s garage. She came to a wide street that ran behind some derelict houses. 

She parked her car at the end of the block and stepped outside. The only light came from a streetlamp a few hundred yards away. She locked her car and started to walk towards it.

“Bucky!” she called. “Are you here?”

A faint breeze ran through the alley, stirring some loose pieces of trash.

“Bucky!”

The emotion that had been building up inside her all day started to come out.

“Please!” she called out to no one, her voice cracking. “You didn’t have to run away!” She continued to walk forward. “I’m sorry! I just wanted to give you a heads up! I didn’t know...I didn’t know you weren’t ready to see Steve again!”

Tears were starting to run down her cheeks. She wiped her face and saw some black streaks from her eye makeup. And then she kept on walking.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know how to help you! I tried! I really did! I only wanted you to be happy! I wanted you to have a normal life and a home and a family! So did Mom and Dad! You know that! And I wanted you and Steve to be back together. You’re his best friend. You always have been! Why are you so afraid of that?”

She could hear her voice echoing off the cinder-block fences on either side of the street. There was no sign of life in the empty alleyway--just herself and her hormones.

“If only you could come back!” she said, thinking aloud. “I would do better, I promise! I’d help you be ready...for next time, if there ever is one!” She looked around. She started crying harder. “But...there isn’t...isn’t...going to be a next time, is there? There’s not. You can’t trust us anymore, can you?”

There was no way he would. It wasn’t their fault, and yet he would blame them for failing to keep them safe from the one thing he truly feared:

His past.

She collapsed onto the ground. She held her face in her hands and wept, her entire body shaking. Why? she asked herself. Why was she so upset about him leaving? And not just because he’d run away from Steve. Hadn’t she been telling Steve and Coulson and Parsons the entire time that she’d wanted to get rid of him at first. But now...

“I love you,” she said aloud. “I loved you like you were my brother, Bucky. You were part of my family. My life. I wanted so much better for you. I wanted the world for you.”

She crouched her face closer to her knees, sobbing. And waiting. For what, she didn’t know.

He never came. 

After a few minutes, she decided she’d been in that back alley long enough. She got up and wiped her eyes as best she could on her sleeve, making a mental note to wash it later.  
She went back to her car. But it was hard for her to drive. She couldn’t make it all the way home. So she stopped at a park nearby and pulled into the parking lot. She collapsed on the steering wheel and just let it out. 

The more she thought about it, the more she realized that he was at fault, too. And she was really mad at him--more mad at him than she had ever been. He had run away and he hadn’t come home. It was like the last four months hadn’t meant anything. Everything she’d done for him--putting up with him, lying for him, letting him use her car--all of that had amounted to nothing. 

Well, not nothing, she realized. Maybe now everyone--everyone that wasn’t her family--was mad at her. Agent Parsons, one of the people at S.H.I.E.L.D. who had looked up to her. Phil Coulson, who had been her mentor and friend for the past four months. And Steve Rogers. Captain America. Her friend from S.H.I.E.L.D. school. She’d helped him get adjusted to the modern world. And now he hated her. Because she’d been trying to help someone who clearly didn’t want him. She had no control over that. That wasn’t her fault. It was Bucky’s problem. Not hers.

And she was on the verge of losing her job. Just because of Bucky. If he’d been man enough to come out of his room and face Steve, then this whole thing would have ended a lot better for everyone--they would have understood why Hillary had covered up for him. No one would have cared. At least not as much. 

Everything that other people had thought of her--everything she had believed about herself--she had put it all on the line for him. And now everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. thought she was a lying, cheating, selfish diva. And she had no way of knowing if they were wrong about that. All because she had put her faith in the wrong person. Bucky really was the bad guy. He’d taken her trust and he’d betrayed it. 

How could she have let herself...love him, if that was the right word. It seemed, at that dark moment, that all of the nasty things that Parsons had said about Bucky were true. And he’d only made her life difficult.

But a part of her just wanted to love him more for it.

When that thought surfaced, she wiped her eyes and drove the rest of the way home.

 

Hillary: Steve, I know you probably won’t get this for a while, but I’m sorry. Bucky didn’t want to be found. My dad asked me to help him out. Text me back or call me. Please.

Hillary: I’m sorry. Please talk to me.

Hillary: Steve, Bucky hasn’t come back. I can’t get hold of him. Don’t shut me out too.

Hillary: Steve. Please.

 

She expected Coulson to call her at any time, now, to inform her of her dismissal. She wondered if that would be the worst of it, though. S.H.I.E.L.D. could still press charges for withholding information--especially since she had been such a high-ranking employee. 

On Wednesday she slept in and stayed at home. She only got on the computer to check her email: there was nothing from S.H.I.E.L.D. indicating that her employment status was being questioned. 

She interacted very little with her parents. For a better part of the afternoon she stayed on the living room couch and watched her fish swim in the fishtank. The rest of the time she stayed in her room and stared at the canopy over her bed. 

She couldn’t bring herself to face the world. Not when she would have to tell the people who cared about her and thought highly of her--the people in her neighborhood, her S.H.I.E.L.D. friends, her church friends, her college friends, her Facebook friends--that she was going to lose her lucrative job as a secret agent because of her own stupidity. 

The last person she wanted to hear from, of course, was Mark Lawson. He didn’t deserve her. Not after losing her job like this.

But then, about five in the evening, he texted her.

Hey, Hillary, how’s it going?

She answered him, Fine, and went on her way. But then half an hour later, he sent another text.

Are you in town?

She didn’t even want to answer him. But she guessed he had the right to know. 

Yes.

She ate dinner with her parents and helped put away the dishes. Then around six he sent her another text.

Hey, I know our date isn’t for another week, but if you’re not doing anything tonight would you like to hang out?

She had every reason to say no. She wanted to tell him to come over so she could tell him that she wanted to cancel their date explain to him that she wasn’t the good person he thought she was. But a part of her didn’t want to give up on Mark. Not just yet.

Hillary: That sounds great, actually

Mark: Okay then. How does ice cream sound?

Some really nutty, chocolatey ice cream would hit the spot right then. 

Hillary: Perfect.

Mark: Great! I’ll be over in half an hour.

Hillary: see you then.

Hillary sprang to life. She took a quick shower, blow-dried her hair, and did very basic makeup. She wore a pink sweater and jeans. She was putting finishing touches on her eye makeup when the doorbell rang. Her dad answered it. She heard them exchanging greetings, and then Trey called for her.

“Coming, Dad!” she said, putting in her earrings. She grabbed her wallet and stepped out.

“Hey, Hillary!” said Mark. “Nice of you to come out on short notice.”

“Not a problem.”

“Well, you look nice all of a sudden,” said Trey. “I thought your date wasn’t for another week and a half?”

“Well, since I’m in town, you know,” she said, sounding casual about it. She kissed her dad on the cheek. “Bye, Dad.”

“Take care, you two!” 

“See ya!” Hillary pattered down the sidewalk after Mark. He was wearing a denim jacket with a leather collar over a plaid shirt--he dressed like a nerd and he was a nerd.

“So how are you doing?” Mark asked her as he walked her to his car.

“Doing great, how are you?”

“Doing just fine and dandy.” He opened his car door for her. 

When he got into the driver’s seat and pulled away, he asked, “So where is it around here you like to get ice cream?”

“There’s a parlor on University that my family likes to go to.”

“Okay. We’ll go there. So what brings you to town? Got another crazy Hydra case going on?”

“Haha, no.” She then shrank. “Well, actually...I’m...I’m going to be brutally honest, here, I’m on suspension from work.”

“Oh really? What happened?”

“It’s really hard to explain,” said Hillary. “I’m in trouble. For covering up something that S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted to know about. I guess maybe it wasn’t right.”

She was very afraid that Mark would think poorly of her for saying this. She was totally prepared for him to turn around in the middle of the street and drive her home. She wondered maybe if she should ask him to. 

But then he kept driving.

“Can you tell me about it? I mean, if it isn’t top secret? Maybe it would help if you talked about it.”

“I guess if you don’t mind hearing a long story,” said Hillary.

“No I don’t. There’s a park that I passed on the way over here. You want to stop there? Maybe go for a walk?”

“Sure,” said Hillary. “But can I start?”

“You go right again.”

“Well, it started last November, around Thanksgiving--actually, wait, no, it goes further back than that.”

“How further back?”

“The nineteen-forties further back. I guess you probably don’t know the whole story, do you?”

“Is this something to do with Captain America?”

“This has everything to do with Captain America.”

“I’m all ears, then.”

“Did Steve ever tell you about his best friend Bucky?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Well…” Hillary started. Hillary gave him the prologue about Bucky dying and then becoming the Winter Soldier as they pulled into the park--taking a spot just a few spaces away from where Hillary had sat and cried the previous night. 

“So, his best friend from the forties came back as a super-assassin?” Mark summarized as they got out of the car.

“Yes. He did.”

“Cool!”

“Mark, it isn’t funny,” said Hillary. “They brainwashed him and tortured him--would you have liked it?”

“Oh. I guess not. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right,” said Hillary as they came onto a walking path.

“So he disappeared after S.H.I.E.L.D. fell last year?”

“Yeah.”

“So then what happened last Thanksgiving?” Mark asked eagerly.

“Well, the night before Thanksgiving, I was up late making the rolls for dinner, when--well, there’d been this creepy hobo wandering around the neighborhood stealing food from the trash for the last few days. Wednesday night I left some cookies out for him -- “

“Let me guess, it was Bucky, wasn’t it?”

“You’d be right. But it wasn’t the cookies that got him in. It was the rolls. Seriously, if you ever come over for Sunday dinner, I will make them for you. They are to die for.”

“Oh, I believe you,” said Mark. “You got the Winter Soldier to your door just on the smell of them.”

“Yes. I heard a knock on the screen door, and lo and behold, there he was. But, you know, I wasn’t planning to keep him, give him a few fresh-made rolls in a ziplocked bag and send him on his way. But then my dad showed up. He’d smelled the rolls, too, and then not to mention he’d heard us talking in the kitchen. So I explained to Dad who he was, and then Dad gets this brilliant idea…” 

She told Mark about the job offer and what had come of it.

“So it was your dad’s idea, then?”

“Well, yes. But then again, it was my fault, really, for inviting him in in the first place.”

“Really?” said Mark. “Because he didn’t have to say yes to your dad’s job offer--or to your invitation to come in for something to eat.”

“So you’re saying it was his fault?”

“No, I’m saying is, it’s not really anybody’s fault. And you shouldn’t be trying to find somebody to blame for it. That’s all I’m saying. Continue.”

“So then, we’ve got Bucky living in my dad’s garage all this time. And at the same time, Steve Rogers is out with the Avengers, but he’s got a broken heart because he can’t find  
his friend. And then S.H.I.E.L.D. is tearing up the country to find him, too, because he’s the ex-Winter Soldier, and he’s a threat, and blah blah blah.”

Mark laughed.

“Do you remember Sara? Sara Martin? She used to hang out with us.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Well, Sara got fired from S.H.I.E.L.D. last year. But last fall up in Minnesota…” She told Mark about the investigation into the mall shooting. Hillary spoke very bitterly of how she had treated Sara. Mark looked at her with sympathy. When Hillary had finished her piece, he patted her shoulder and said, “You did what you had to do. It’s okay.”

Then Hillary told Mark about the Free Range Party incident and how she had gotten Bucky to help her save Mitch. Then she told him about the Hydra spy she had found in her backyard. 

“And that’s where you come in,” said Hillary. 

“Oh,” said Mark.

“I know I pretended otherwise to S.H.I.E.L.D., as much as I could. But Hydra was looking for him. They knew he was there. And they would stop at nothing to get at him. The night before you came over, he came back from hiding. He went up to my uncle’s cabin the next day. But that night we just sat on the couch and talked. I was so afraid for him. So worried for him. He was scared too. But he told me not to get down on myself. He told me not to give up just then. And that gave me strength, you know, to fight for him. To fight for my home.”

“I see,” said Mark. 

“He was my friend,” said Hillary. “But then, just last week, and I don’t know how or why, Steve Rogers found out he was here. Steve texted me ahead of time to let me know he was coming. I sent Bucky a message to give him a heads up, but...I don’t know what happened. Or why. He got scared and ran away just as Steve pulled in. Steve only got a glimpse of him…” And Hillary felt really terrible thinking about it. 

Mark grabbed her around the shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. If he didn’t want to go back to Steve just yet, that was his choice.”

“I know. I just...wish he’d handled it better.”

“There, there,” said Mark. They hugged each other, and he stroked Hillary’s hair. “Does he remember Steve?”

“Not as much as any of us would like,” said Hillary. “We just...keep expecting him to be some person that he used to be, and he isn’t. But if he remembers at all...why did he have to run away?”

“Well, Hillary, I don’t know how ready Bucky was to see his friend again,” said Mark. “From what you’ve told me, I guess he wasn’t. But you had no control over that. So you need to stop hitting yourself over the head for it, okay?”

“Okay.” Hillary was trying really hard not to cry--she didn’t need Mark to see, and she didn’t need to ruin her makeup.

“Let’s go get some ice cream.”

“Great idea.”

They returned to Mark’s car. 

“Do you miss him?” asked Mark as they drove down the street.

“Hm?”

“Bucky, I mean?”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t.” 

“What do you miss about him?”

“Well, I don’t know,” said Hillary. “A lot of things. Little things, I guess. I miss...sometimes when he came over to our house he wouldn’t wear anything to hide his metal arm, just a t-shirt. I think I liked that about him. I miss the way he’d run his fingers through his shaggy hair. That funny smile he’d give me when he’d laugh at my jokes. And how sometimes he’d joke back at me. And just the sound of his laughter. He laughed like a little kid. But he wasn’t like that all the time. At Dad’s garage, most of the day he’d just sit on the couch and do nothing--Dad said he’d stare off into the distance. And at my house he’d sit in my brother’s room for hours at a time and just sulk over nothing. But sometimes he’d be in a good mood, and we’d play games together--Speed and Uno mostly. He was pretty good. He’d help Mom around the house and he’d do errands for Dad at the garage. He didn’t talk a lot--but he’d talk to me, if I asked him to. He actually hated it, though, when I tried to talk to him about his past, or about Steve.”

“Well, then maybe it’s not surprising he ran away.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” 

They arrived at the ice cream parlor. They ordered their ice cream--Mark got cookies and cream and Hillary got rocky road. They sat down at a table by the window. They traded bites of their flavors and ate slowly. 

“I keep meaning to ask, though,” Hillary said, “Are you still working for Resser Fruits?”

“Actually, I’m looking for a different job right now,” said Mark.

“Really?” said Hillary.

“Yeah. I’ve actually got an interview with one of the other firms in that business park--a lot of people up and left, after the mess with Hydra.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet,” said Hillary. “But, hey, if you’ll do me a favor.”

“Sure.”

“If you could let me know of any other...non-accounting job openings in the area, I’d appreciate that. I think I may have to brush up my resume here really soon.”

Mark nodded soberly. “I will definitely keep an eye out for you.”

“Are you quitting your current job just because of Hydra or is it something else?”

“It’s mostly Hydra, I think. Everyone is just upset that they turned out to be controlling the company. And frankly I am, too.”

“Yeah. I can see why no one would want to work for a company being controlled by a sinister secret organization. Trust me, that’s what happened at S.H.I.E.L.D. last year.”

When they finished their ice cream, Mark drove Hillary back to her home. He parked in front of the front walk.

“Well, thanks for the night out, Mark. And for helping me out.”

“Do you need me to walk you in?”

“No, I should be fine, thanks,” said Hillary.

“Well, if you ever need anything, I’m here for ya.”

“Thanks.”

They hugged in the front seat of his car. Hillary got herself out and went back through the front door.

 

On Thursday she was feeling a little better. She was still feeling very sorry for herself. And she was pretty angry at Bucky, still. She considered working on her resume, but she didn’t know where to start--how did one express on a resume that they had been fired due to these kinds of circumstances? And where could she work now, if S.H.I.E.L.D. fired her? They wouldn’t give her a recommendation to anyone, would they? Not after what she’d done.

She passed the time reading under the fish tank. She kept her cell phone close to her side--when it happened, she wanted it over with quickly.

It wasn’t until Friday around noon that her phone finally rang. It was Coulson.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hi, Hillary, it’s your boss. How are you doing?” He didn’t sound too upset with her. In fact there was kind of a light edge to his voice.

“Doing fine, thanks,” said Hillary. “Just taking it easy. How about yourself?”

“I’m doing good. Mitch and I got the case wrapped up in Japan. We’re in D.C., now.”

“Good.” She braced herself.

“And Hillary, I’m calling to say, that even though I probably should fire you, I’m not going to.”

“What? Are you serious?” She jumped up on the couch.

“Nope. I’m keeping you on.”

“Oh, Coulson, really, you shouldn’t!”

“Well, it’s just, there’s too much legal hassle involved, firing someone in your station. And then the way we’ve rebuilt S.H.I.E.L.D. in the last few months, you really know the ins and outs better than most people, and it would be too much work to bring on someone new. And Mitch still just has so much to learn, he’s really benefitted from your experience. In fact, he’s been begging me to not fire you--don’t deny it, Sorensen! You had a hand in it!” She could hear Mitch yelling through the phone. “But really, Hillary, after talking to you and to Captain Rogers, what happened really isn’t your fault.”

“You mean Steve forgives me?”

“Well, no, Steve is still pretty mad at you. But he had to go back to the Avengers, and they’re in Alaska right now. He thought it over, and in light of the situation he doesn’t think you should get fired for this. It was all just a big misunderstanding. For all parties involved.” 

“Well, good for him,” said Hillary. It wasn’t quite the best she had been hoping for. “But...I still lied to you--”

“In light of the circumstances, it was reasonable,” said Coulson. “And frankly, you and your dad were just trying to help him out the best you could. You really couldn’t be blamed for this. But...do you remember Emily Bridger? That I was her trainer?”

“Yes, I do,” said Hillary.

“Well, if you remember, I died right before the battle of New York, and then I was unexpectedly revived. Up until the time that S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, the fact that I was alive had to remain a secret--and the Avengers especially couldn’t find out about it. I was Emily’s trainer, but at the same time she was Clint Barton’s adopted cousin. She had to lie for me, too, Hillary. She could never tell the Avengers who her real trainer was. But she kept getting invited to spend time with them. And she never said a word until the time was right.” 

Hillary wondered what that had to do with anything, but then Coulson said, “I understand how it feels, Hillary. I really do. And it isn’t fair for me to fire someone who’s been in the same situation as someone I used to care about.” 

Hillary understood what that meant. Emily had been the one person allowed to be in Coulson’s life right up until S.H.I.E.L.D fell. And of course, it also meant that Coulson understood, just a little, what Bucky had gone through. 

“So I’m keeping you on, Agent Tanner. But you have to promise never to hide something that important from me ever again. Is that clear?”

“Yes,” said Hillary. “You have my word.”

“Good. So first thing on Monday, you are flying up to D.C. From there we are going to Europe. I want to investigate some Hydra leads in the Balkans, and I need someone who speaks good Croatian. Apparently after last year we lost most of our linguistics department. You’re the only one who can do it for me.”

Hillary laughed. “You could have told me that sooner, boss.”

“Yeah, I guess I had an ulterior motive for not firing you.”

“Well, you could’ve called the CIA or the State Department or somebody!”

“No. I need you.” 

“Right. But you can have me, Coulson.”

“Good. I’ll text you on Sunday night with your flight information. You should plan on being gone for a little less than a week--you’re coming right home for your date on Easter Weekend.”

“You’re the best, boss.”

“Flattery.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much. You won’t be disappointed.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Enjoy your weekend.”

“You too, boss.”

She hung up. Her mother had been walking through the living room but paused to watch her daughter.

Hillary looked up at her mother.

“So what is the verdict?” asked Jo.

Hillary got up and gave her mother a big hug--a happy one, not a sad one like she would have gotten if Hillary had been fired.

“Coulson’s going to let me stay on.”

“Oh, wonderful!”

“I’m going back to work first thing on Monday morning.”

Trey came into the room just then, coming home for lunch. He saw them hugging and joined. 

Hillary did her laundry and started packing to leave. Coulson sent her a text saying he had emailed her some documents to look over before going to Eastern Europe. Mitch also texted her during the afternoon.

Mitch: So, not bad for a day’s work?

Hillary: Mitch, thank you so much. I really owe you one.

Mitch: No, you don’t. I owe you and Bucky both my life. Saving your job was the least I could do.

Hillary: The least? Mitch, this means the world to me! It really does!

Mitch: Well, do me just one favor, then.

Hillary: Okay.

Mitch: Bring me that dorky Phoenix Suns hat that Bucky used to wear. I want it.

Hillary: You drive a hard bargain. ;) 

Mitch was a huge L.A. Lakers fan and was always hating on the Suns. It was one of those things that drove Hillary up the wall, but if Mitch hadn’t stepped up she would have missed his teasing more than words could say.

Mitch: I still can’t believe it was Bucky the entire time, though. You did a good job hiding him.

Hillary: Well, you shouldn’t be complimenting me on that.

Mitch: I’m just saying. But I did finally finish reading about him, on the flight over from Japan. Not exactly entertaining reading. But Coulson had some fun stories to tell. 

Hillary: He does. And he’s glad he lived to tell them.

Mitch: I’m glad I lived to hear them. SO WHEN DO I GET TO MEET CAPTAIN AMERICA?

Hillary: IDK. He’s back with the Avengers now and they’ll be out for a while.

Mitch: And when will he be back?

Hillary: Whenever they’re done with Hydra. IDK. Hopefully pretty soon. Coulson was saying there weren’t many of the big bases left.

Mitch: Yeah, I think Coulson mentioned earlier today that they were still looking out for that top-secret one. 

Hillary: Well, when it’s all over, I think Captain America would like to meet you. He’s pretty nice to my friends.

Mitch: Yeah, and there’s not many people who can say they’ve met Steve AND Bucky! 

Hillary: Nope. Not many.

Mitch: I mean, it was on a dark night and I had no idea...but STILL. And Bucky’s pretty cool once you get to know him, right? 

Hillary didn’t know how to respond to this. She didn’t think very highly of Bucky anymore. Not after he had gone and disappointed her.

Hillary: Yeah. Bucky’s all right. But Steve’s a great guy. A really great guy. I would just advise that you avoid getting on his bad side.

Mitch: You’re speaking from experience, right?

Hillary: Shut up. /:

Mitch: ;) LOL

Hillary: :) 

Trey had brought back Bucky’s things from the garage--his phone, his wallet, and his extra clothes. Jo, Trey, and Hillary didn’t really know what to do with all of it. They guessed the documents would be destroyed and then they would send the clothes back to the thrift store they had come from. But they didn’t feel like doing that just yet.

Hillary wondered if she should ask Coulson what to do if Bucky came back. But she figured at this rate that Bucky wasn’t going to. And she was starting to get used to the idea that he would be gone for good.

 

On Saturday evening, Hillary’s brother Mike came over with his children. His very pregnant wife, Susan, had kicked them out of the house so she could do some cleaning--the baby was due any day and she had gone into nesting mode.

Oliver and Linsey were watching Frozen. Hillary had nothing better to do and had crashed on the couch to join them. Her mother was in the kitchen, fixing casseroles for Mike to take home and cook later when Susan had the baby. Mike and Trey were at the computer talking about business matters.

It was raining outside. It was the worst spring downpour that Hillary had seen in years. They could hear the thunder roaring outside. Whenever she glanced out the window, she wondered if anyone would even dare to go outside in such a storm--the rain was coming down in heavy torrents.

But it must have let up at least slightly at times. Because at a quarter after six, they heard a knock on the front door.

“I’ll get it,” said Hillary. She got up off the couch and unlocked the front door.

She couldn’t quite keep herself from letting her mouth drop open in disgust. It wasn’t for his appearance, though he quite deserved it. Every inch of him was covered in cold rainwater, and he was positively shivering inside of his drenched clothing. He was also covered in mud and dirt and had muck on the cuffs of his torn and ragged jeans. His facial hair was longer than she’d ever seen it--beyond the point of stubble and turning into an actual beard. Though his hair was wet, it didn’t look like the rainwater had washed out the grease. 

He gaped back at her, trying to find out what to say. 

Hillary was at a similar loss for words, but before either of them could speak, she was pushed out of the way by her mother. 

Bucky hugged Jo back as hard as he could, and neither of them really cared how wet he was getting her sweater.

“I’ve been so worried about you!” said Jo. “Please, come inside!” She wrapped her arm over his shoulder and led him across the threshold. Water and mud trailed out of Bucky’s shoes and Hillary could almost hear them squelching.

All Hillary could manage was an angry gasping sound.

Trey and Mike looked up from the computer.

“Well, look who’s back,” said Mike dryly.

On the living room floor, Linsey and Oliver looked up at Bucky briefly before returning their attention to the film.

Trey gave Mike some brief instructions and then got up out of the computer chair. He crossed the living room floor in three strides. 

Bucky looked at him the way a child expecting to be punished would look up at a parent.

Hillary wasn’t sure how her father would react. Trey reached out and put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“We’re glad you’re back, son,” said Trey. “But we need to talk. In our room.” Then he looked over his shoulder at Hillary. “Hillary, you too.”

Hillary hadn’t really expected to be exempted from this. In fact there was quite a lot she wanted to say to the disheveled, sodden mess that was leaving tracks on their living room carpet. Jo went back to the kitchen counter to finish the casserole she had been working on. Hillary followed Bucky and her father into the master bedroom.

Jo entered last and closed the door.

Bucky was leaning against the side of the bed. Trey and Jo stood next to the dresser. Hillary stood by the door to the master bathroom and stared at him from the side. 

He alternated from looking down at the carpet and at his folded hands to up at Hillary’s parents. The three Tanners stared at him.

It was Trey who spoke first. 

“So what happened?” Trey asked him. “Why did you run away?”

“Hillary sent me a text,” he said quietly. “She told me he was coming. When you came into the room and told me...I knew.”

“And you knew why he was there,” said Trey. “You knew what finding you meant to him.”

“I did,” said Bucky. “But...I wasn’t...there wasn’t...I couldn’t…”

“You weren’t ready to see him, then?”

“I remember him, but not the way he wants me to,” said Bucky. “Not the way you want me to.” He glanced at Hillary when he said this. He looked angry, but whether with them or himself Hillary wasn’t sure. “I only see him as someone I’ve fought, someone that I’ve almost killed, someone who almost killed me...but still someone I somehow knew before. I’ve tried to remember further back. I really have. I’ve seen things, I’ve been shown what I’m supposed to remember about him. But I don’t...I can’t. Hydra took that away from me. I can’t bring it back. You just don’t understand.”

“Then try to help us understand,” said Jo.

“Hydra knows that I knew him,” said Bucky, staring at the floor. He was breathing heavily, sharply. “And they hurt me for that. Instead of memories, there’s just more fear. More pain. More of everything I’ve been trying to fight. I don’t understand why he’s trying to help me. I don’t know what he thinks he’s doing. Whatever it is, it isn’t going to work. He can’t help me. That’s why I left. Because I don’t know him. And I didn’t want him to have to see that.”

No one spoke for a moment.

“So you didn’t want to disappoint him, was that all?” said Jo.

“I didn’t want to disappoint you either,” said Bucky. He looked up at Jo hopefully. 

But then Hillary spoke up. “But then you didn’t pause to consider how we’d feel if you ran away?”

Bucky opened his mouth, but she cut him off. “Do you realize what I’ve been through in the last week, because you ran away from him? I’m sure S.H.I.E.L.D. would have been a lot more forgiving of my covering up for you if you had just gone out and talked to him.” She took a few steps closer to him. His eyes grew wider as he looked at her.

“You coward,” she said to him. “Right after he left the garage to go look for you, guess what Steve Rogers did. He called Coulson. My boss. And neither of them were very happy that I’d been hiding you from them--right in plain sight, right as Hydra and the Free Range Party and all heck has broken loose around us. You’re a problem to them, Bucky. Not a person. Now Steve’s mad at me. Coulson was mad at me. And Agent Parsons at the Tempe S.H.I.E.L.D. office? He’s mad at me, too. I nearly lost my job because of you. And I’ve nearly lost some good friends in the process. And you know why? Because you had to go and make yourself a jerk in front of him. Because you couldn’t just come out and face him. You idiot.”

Bucky turned his face away from her. But the rest of him couldn’t move.

“You should be ashamed of yourself. Treating us like this. I put myself out on a limb for you--my career, my reputation, everything. And you treated it like dirt.”

Hillary was out of things to say.

“You know, she’s right, Bucky,” Trey said. “You did make things very difficult for her at work. She only got the call yesterday saying she could come back. And what’s more, it would have been a lot less awkward for everybody had you not run away. You could have just stepped out of the room and told Steve how you felt.”

“Would he have understood?” said Bucky.

“Dearest,” said Jo, “it’s not your job to make him understand. Not anymore than it is his job to make you remember him. But he is just trying to help you. He doesn’t intend to hurt you.”

“So Steve stayed here for another three days,” said Trey. “And he couldn’t find a trace of you. Where did you go?”

“Thursday afternoon,” said Bucky, “I went to the edge of town. I got a ride from a truck driver heading up to Globe. I stayed there until yesterday.”

“And then why did you come back?” asked Hillary.

“Because...I realized something. What I did, just leaving like that. That was wrong. I hadn’t wanted to hurt you guys. Not after everything you’d done for me. So I just came back to say I was sorry.”

“Well, we forgive you, then,” said Trey. “What you’ve been through, it hasn’t been easy. But you have to understand, it wasn’t fair of you to expect us to keep Steve away from you indefinitely. And now, with running away like that, you have broken our trust. You need to make amends. Coming back to apologize, that was the first step. But you will have to face Captain Rogers sooner or later, son. It would be too soon to ask you to do that today. But you are going to have to make peace with that. Even if that means you won’t have all the answers when the time comes.

“And what’s more,” Trey continued, “I think it would be best if you didn’t go back to the garage. You can stay with us, for the time being. But on the eighteenth of April, our son Cody is coming back from Germany, and he’ll want his room back. You could sleep on the couch after that, but that would be less than ideal for anyone. I’m sure you’re aware of that.”

“I understand, sir,” said Bucky.

“I can give you a few projects to work on around the house,” said Trey. “I’ll keep you occupied. But now it’s time for you to decide where you’re going--and not just where you’re going to have a roof over your head, but where you, personally, are going to take your life. You need to decide who you’re going to be. Captain America can’t decide that for you. Neither can we.” Trey glanced at his daughter. “But, first thing’s first. Will you stay here, or go somewhere else? You don’t have to give your answer right now.”

The three of them watched Bucky as he thought. Then he looked up at them and said, “You know what, I think when your son comes back, I’ll head up to Denver. I think it’s time I made things right with...with the girl I met up there.”

“You’ll go back to Grace?” Hillary asked.

“If she’ll have me,” said Bucky. “I mean, I don’t know if she will…”

“Well, hey, it’s a start,” said Hillary.

“Well, then it’s settled,” said Trey. “But we’ve sure enjoyed having you here, son. And I think we’ll miss you.”

“You too.” 

Trey and Jo took the miscreant in a loving embrace. But Hillary just smiled and watched. 

“Well, if you don’t need me anymore,” she said to them. And she turned and left the room.

“I put your things in Cody’s room,” said Trey.

“I’ll just go in there for now,” said Bucky. “Well, I should probably shower, too, heh.”

“Do you need something to eat?” asked Jo.

“Maybe in a little while,” said Bucky. He left the room as well.

Jo and Trey sat down on the end of their bed, their arms around each other.

Jo sighed. “Is this what it’s like to have a wayward son?”

Trey laughed. “If Bucky is our wayward child I guess we’re doing pretty good.”

 

Frozen had finished and now Hillary had put on Anastasia for Oliver and Linsey. Bucky crashed on the couch to watch with them. Hillary wasn’t too keen on sitting on the same couch as Bucky and stayed in the kitchen to help her mother make the casseroles for Susan--which gave Jo the opportunity to lecture her on why she needed to apologize for her harsh words earlier.

“I think Bucky is painfully aware of just how much trouble he gave you at work,” she said. “But that’s finished now. Get over it.”

Hillary didn’t respond. She occupied herself with mixing up the cheese sauce while glaring up angrily across the room at Bucky. He had come back and she had gotten the chance to vent her feelings at him--but that hadn’t made her feel better. Now she wondered if they couldn’t get him to leave for Colorado sooner.

“You’re not listening to me, are you?” Jo asked.

“Should I be?” said Hillary.

“Look at me!” Jo said to her. “I don’t see why you have to stay mad at him.”

“I don’t see why he doesn’t want to be with Steve!” said Hillary.

“Hillary, you can’t dictate his choices,” said Jo. “Bucky was a slave for the last seventy-odd years. Give him a chance to make his own life. You can’t control the outcome. You need to accept that. You can’t decide when he’ll get his happy ending--or what it will be. Besides, Steve has gone back to the Avengers and he’ll be out with them for another while longer. There’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” said Hillary. “And the thing is, I don’t. Dad told me to let him stay here. And Bucky told me to keep him being here a secret. Now everyone’s blaming me for keeping Bucky away from Steve. I say, I’ve had enough.”

“Hillary, if you’re not going to be nice about it, then maybe you should go to your room,” said Jo. “And you can stay there, if you want, until you leave on Monday. You don’t even have to see him.”

“Fine, I will.” Hillary wiped her hands on a towel and threw it on the counter. She stormed away to her room.

She pulled up some music from her phone to try and drown out the fact that she could never have her way. If her parents and Bucky both insisted on being stupid, so be it.

She texted Steve and Coulson.

Hillary: So Bucky came back. He’s going to stay here for another three weeks until my brother Cody comes home from Germany. And my parents are perfectly fine with this. If either of you would like to come and collect him, you’re more than welcome.

Coulson: Hillary, you’ll be back here on Monday and you won’t have to see him, all right? He’s not S.H.I.E.L.D’s problem as long as he’s with you.

Steve: I’ll text Wilson but I don’t think he’s too keen on coming back to Arizona. He’s stuck with you, but I guess that’s what you wanted.

Hillary: No, Steve, you don’t understand, I DON’T WANT HIM!

But Steve didn’t reply. So Steve and Coulson both wanted to watch her suffer. She banged her head on her wall a few times. Then she posted the following as her Facebook status.

I freaking hate my life right now.

The status got a couple of likes but no comments of inquiry or sympathy. 

Later in the evening, Jo asked Bucky if he wanted any of his clothes washed. They went to his room to sort through his clothes. But while they were talking, they saw Hillary poking her head out her bedroom door to glare at him. When he looked back at her, she slammed it shut, but they could still hear “Brave” by Sara Bareilles playing at full volume. 

 

Hillary went to church the next morning with her parents while Bucky stayed at home. During the church meetings, there was plenty of mention in the hymns and sermons and lessons she heard about the need to forgive and to let go of grudges. Hillary decided that that meant she had no excuse to hold on to her injured feelings.

When they got home, Bucky was sitting at the dining room table, not doing anything. Hillary walked over to him. After an uncomfortable silence while he waited for her to speak, she said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be mad at you for what happened.”

Bucky didn’t reply, but he looked at her.

“Anyway. I thought I’d tell you.”

She then went to her room to put away her purse and her shoes.

Greg and Julia and Jon and Marie’s family joined them for Sunday dinner. Hillary spent Sunday afternoon playing hymns and taking a nap. She finished packing. Bucky invited her to play Uno with her parents and siblings but she said no.

Well, she had gone through the motions. But she hadn’t quite forgiven him yet. 

It is always a good idea, before going on a trip with long-distance flights involved, to get a good night’s rest before leaving. But Hillary didn’t sleep well that night.

 

She was in Brazil, at the S.H.I.E.L.D. base there right after S.H.I.E.L.D. had fallen. She was crawling up an air conditioning vent--but there was no air blowing. She could hardly breathe, and movement was difficult at best. But as she climbed higher, she could hear the voices of Agents Dean and Ackerson coming from the maintenance room above. Finally she was level with the air vent and she could hear them talking quietly.

“There were still a lot of casualties, though, before they evacuated the building. And they say the Winter Soldier was there.”

“Who?”

“What, you never heard of him?”

“Oh, I’ve heard of him. I just thought he was a ghost story.” 

“Well, he’s no ghost,” said Ackerman. “He’s very real. He destroyed the air strip, killed everyone out there, blew up all the planes before they could help Captain Rogers.”

“Ah, that’s too bad,” said Dean. He swore. “I knew some of those guys, even. So he’s not a ghost, then.”

“You’re right. He’s not a ghost, he’s a monster. They say he got on one of the helicarriers, though. He must have gone to fight the Captain.”

“But Cap’s still alive, right?”

“Yeah. But there’s been no sign of the Winter Soldier. Must’ve drowned with all the other rats--just a great big rat with a metal arm.”

“Well, good riddance.”

The part of her that was awake wanted to tap on the grate to get their attention and tell them the truth about the assassin. But just as it had gone before, Hillary only banged the grate and said,

“Hey, guys!”

Dean and Ackerman jumped up. Ackerman picked his rifle up from off the floor.

“Who’s there?”

“It’s Agent Tanner!”

“Tanner!” Dean exclaimed.

Ackerman swore. “Where are you?”

“I’m in the vent!”

The two agents scrambled over to the vent. Hillary ended up having to wait very patiently while Ackerman got a crowbar. Trying to keep her voice quiet, Hillary told the other two  
where she had been and what the Hydra people downstairs were up to.

Fortunately the grate was just the right size for someone like Hillary. The two gentlemen helped her to climb out of the pipe. They gave her some food and water and directed her to the corner they had been using to relieve themselves.

“So what next?“ Agent Dean asked once Hillary was comfortable.

“We need to make contact with S.H.I.E.L.D,” said Hillary. “And then we need to get out of here. We’re not going to survive for very long up in this bird’s nest--that is if they don’t capture us first.”

“We’ve blocked the stairwell,” said Ackerman. “So they can’t get up or shoot at us.”

“But they can blow us up,” said Dean.

“Right,” said Hillary. “And they’re not gonna wait forever for us to come out. So we need to get down to them. Tonight, possibly, when they’re asleep.”

“Or if they’re asleep,” said Ackerman. 

“I think it’s just Lewis and Clearfield who stay up late. The rest of them take turns.”

“But they’ll hear us coming,” said Dean. 

“Right. So Ackerman, you cover for us, while me and Dean get the barricades down. We’ll need to figure out what’s happening at headquarters first, before we do anything else.”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Dean. “I’ll go in first. If S.H.I.E.L.D. is still in charge, I’ll say ‘all clear.’ If it’s Hydra, then we go hell-for-leather to the jungle. How far is it to that village, you said?”

“About five miles,” said Hillary. “We should get there all right, if something doesn’t eat us first.”

“Right, I suppose compared to the horrors of the Amazon, Hydra is nothing to worry about,” said Ackerman.

“And at night.”

“We’ve got flashlights,” said Ackerman. “And we’re armed.”

“And you speak the language, right?” Hillary asked Dean.

“Yeah, I do. So if it’s all clear, then,” said Dean,”we get into the computer system and send a message to S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“You want to take charge of that?” asked Hillary.

“Sure.” 

“You’ve already thought this out quite a bit, haven’t you?” asked Ackerman.

“Well, I needed something to think about while I was climbing up here,” said Hillary. She eyed Dean’s watch. “So what time is it?”

“It’s four-thirty right now. So we can start heading down about eight and go slowly.”

“So let’s take stock of all our assets,” said Ackerman. “Tanner, you have a gun?”

“Yeah. I got it from a villager,” she said, showing them the pistol. “And he gave me a round of ammo, too.”

“Good. There’s two flashlights, two water bottles--maybe we can grab some more on the way out.”

Hillary laughed. “If we’re not too preoccupied.”

“And we have a single can of diet coke,” said Agent Dean.

“Let’s save that for later,” said Hillary.

“You can get some rest, Tanner,” said Dean. “You too, Chad. I’ll stand guard for now.”

In the dream, of course, the next instant she and the two agents were standing up and getting ready to go. They stood in front of their barricaded door. Agent Ackerman opened up the diet coke can. 

“You first,” said Dean.

“Well, here goes nothing,” he said, drinking a bit. He sighed and passed it to Dean. 

“Death or glory,” said Dean, toasting. He passed it to Hillary, who finished it off.

“For S.H.I.E.L.D.,” she said.

Agent Ackerman opened the door. The service hallway connecting the rest of the building was blocked with an assortment of furniture they had brought up, creating obstacles in case Hydra wanted to come upstairs. The three of them moved down the first few flights of stairs, moving the chairs and couches and crates out of the way as they went. It was very slow going. The air conditioning in the building was broken, and it was so humid and stifling and hot that Hillary broke readily into a sweat. They took frequent breaks to sit down and sip from the water bottle. They reached the bottom at a quarter to nine. They then sat against the door very quietly and listened. The door leading out of the emergency stairs led directly into the control center of the base. They could hear a few voices talking quietly just beyond them.

“I think there’s just a few of them, said Dean. “I’ll go outside now and see what’s happening. Remember the signal.”

“Good luck,” said Hillary. She and Ackerman scooted to the stairs.

Agent Dean opened the door. He stepped outside quietly and closed it behind him. For the next fifteen minutes they waited. It felt like an eternity. Then the door suddenly opened. They gripped their weapons, thinking they were discovered. But it was Agent Dean.

“All clear,” said Dean. 

Hillary and Ackerman both sighed with relief.

“S.H.I.E.L.D is still in charge, but Hydra is trying to hold the base,” said Dean. “Lewis is out front talking to Clearfield. The control room is empty. Now’s our chance.”

The three of them stepped outside. Dean strolled over to the control panel. He tried logging in to the computer. But then the speaker said, “Access Denied.” Dean swore.

Then Agents Lewis and Clearfield stepped into the room. Lewis didn’t even pause to ask. He drew his gun.

“Get down!” Hillary shouted. All three of them dropped to the floor while a string of bullets flew over their heads. Hillary really hoped that Lewis didn’t break the computer.

Ackerman popped up and started shooting back. Then Hillary heard the emergency alarm going off. Then Lewis yelling through a radio: “Get down here! We need backup!”

Ackerman dropped onto the floor next to Hillary. “Agent Clearfield is down.”

Agent Dean got up again and tried to log on to the computer.

“Do you have an override code?” asked Ackerman.

“No, do you?”

“Here!” said Hillary. She walked onto the computer and logged on. She got the “Access Denied” voice-over but she was able to enter an override code.

Then she heard people running into the room. Ackerman’s rifle went off. She turned around and let Dean use the computer to send the message. She crossed the floor to the barricade of desks that Ackerman was using. He dropped behind again. 

“I’m out of ammo. I’ve got to reload. Can you cover for me?”

“Yes.”

Hillary was trying not to go into a panic. She heard the bullets ringing all around her, the glass breaking, the desk she was hiding behind shaking. She started firing at the people who came into the room. She couldn’t stop to think that they were her fellow S.H.I.E.L.D. agents who had received her kindly when she had come a few days earlier--they were her enemies now. She watched them falling as they were hit and bleeding as they hit the floor. There was blood everywhere. Agent Lewis had disappeared. Finally the others stopped coming.

“I think the coast is clear,” said Hillary. Ackerman and Dean stood up.

“Let’s go,” said Ackerman.

Dean had sent the message, and not bothering to log off the computer he turned to follow them out of the control room. But as they entered the hallway they heard yelling.

“There they are!” shouted Agent Lewis as he appeared at the head of a group of S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel. One of the people standing behind him fired and hit Agent Dean. He wasn’t able to give more than a gasp of surprise as he clutched his stomach.

“You get going, I’ll hold them off,” said Agent Ackerman, getting in front of them and pulling out his rifle.

“I’m not leaving you!” shouted Hillary.

“Just go!” he shouted. Hillary and Dean ran, Dean clutching the wound in his side.

They got to the front entrance of the base. The doors were locked. And there were more people running at them and shooting.

“This way!” Dean shouted. He gave a few shots and then led Hillary down the hallway, running. They got to the entrance to the airstrip. Dean was able to hit an emergency button and the doors opened. They ran into the night and out into the open. Bullets were flying around them as they went. Agent Dean was breathing harder as they ran. They were coming up fast on the chain-link fence.

“Where are we going?”

“There’s a gap in the fence,” Hillary said. There was a stitch in her side and it took every effort to keep running in spite of it. They turned the corner around the air-traffic control  
tower and saw the hole that Hillary had crawled through earlier that day. Agent Dean was a bigger man than her and the wires in the fence dug at his side painfully. 

“Hurry! They’re coming!” Hillary shouted. She could see flashlight beams coming around the building, heard the murmur of approaching voices.

Dean squeezed his buttocks as close as he could and dragged the rest of his body through the fence. He got several tears in his clothes as he went and cuts in his back, but he  
scrambled to his feet after Hillary and they ran.

“You left the water bottles, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. And the flashlights. I still have my gun.”

They heard the popping of bullets and the pinging of the metal fence. But then she heard Agent Dean groaning again. He fell to his knees. There was blood coming out of his back. Hillary helped him to stand up, and they ran as fast as they could into the jungle. They came to rest behind the trunk of a large tree.

“Just leave me here,” said Dean. “You can’t carry me.”

“I know I can’t,” said Hillary. “You have to keep going. Please, Agent Dean, you have to keep going.”

But Agent Dean closed his eyes and rolled over to the ground.

“No, I can’t do this! I can’t do this alone! Please don’t leave me!” she shouted.

 

There was a blinding light, and Hillary’s eyes opened. Someone was standing in the doorway.

“Hillary, are you all right?”

She could see the hall light reflected on the metal bits of his arm.

“Hillary, come on, get up.”

Hillary got out of bed, grabbing one of her blankets as she did so. She was crying. She thought Bucky was just going to keep his arm over her shoulder, but he picked her up and carried her down the hallway and onto the living room couch.

“I was having my own nightmares too, you know,” he said to her. “I could hear you moaning across the hall. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one--well, not that I’d wish this on anyone else. Come on now, what’s the matter?”

“I couldn’t save them,” she blubbered. She was covered with sweat. “I couldn’t save any of them. Not the people on the plane, not the S.H.I.E.L.D agents, nobody. I was the last one out of there. It shouldn’t’ve been me. They didn’t deserve to die.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” said Bucky. “Don’t talk like that.” He was stroking her cheek. “There was nothing you can do. There wasn’t anything...sometimes we can’t save everyone. Sometimes we can’t keep innocent people from getting hurt. Come here.” He hugged her close to his chest and she just sat there and cried. 

“Hey, you’ll be fine,” he said to her when she had calmed down a little. “You want a drink of water?”

She nodded feebly. He placed her gently onto the couch and went to the kitchen to get her a tall glass of water from the tank.

“Drink it,” he said. “You’ll be fine. You’re gonna be okay.”

“Why didn’t I quit?” she said.

“Because of me?”

“No, because….it was because of you, really. You were there when it all happened. And then...Hydra tried taking over the base in Brazil. I couldn’t do anything to stop them. I couldn’t save them. That was the first time I ever heard of the Winter Soldier, you know, on that day in Brazil. And then when I got back, Steve came out and he was all, oh, he’s really my best friend, you know, he’s a great guy. Who are you, anyway?”

Hillary just cried for a minute while he watched.

“Well, I don’t know the answer to that, actually,” said Bucky. “But I am here for you.”

He hugged her one more time. He then went back down the hallway. Hillary thought he was going to his room to stay there, but then he came back with some sheets and a few pillows. He put one of them on the couch.

“Here, lie down and try to take some deep breaths. Yeah, like that.” Hillary lay down, sobbing quietly into the pillow he had propped her on.

He put his pillow and blanket on the floor. “That’s right, take it easy,” he said. “You just go back sleep. I’ll be right here if you need me.” 

Hillary smiled. She reached her arm out and took his hand for a few moments. Then she turned over and fell asleep.

She didn’t have to relive the rest of the worst few days of her life that night. But her mother woke her up at seven. Bucky was still out, and she stepped over him quietly while she took her sleeping things back to her room. She put some final touches to her suitcase and got dressed and ready to go. She brought her luggage out to the kitchen and grabbed some pop tarts from the cupboard.

“Are you ready to go, love?” Jo asked.

“Yes. I’ve just got one more thing to take care of.” She went over to the sleeping form on the living room floor. 

She bent over and whispered in his ear. “You’re a loser. But I still love you.” She kissed his forehead for good measure.

Hillary thought she saw him smiling in his sleep.


End file.
